Again

Supermarket

                                                                                                                        8 MONTHS LATER

              "Clean up, on aisle 8," the intercom spoke.

Singing under my breath, to the music in my ears. I was buying groceries, mainly just junk food. I had kept my promise, I got better, at least I tried to be better but I was getting there. I still got flashbacks but his smile was fading in my mind, I forgot how blue his eyes were, I forgot the way he said my name but I never ever forgot that day in rain, that one kiss. As i picked up the milk, someone crashed into me from behind I turned around and let out a laugh there standing were Niall and Zayn, holding hands. After that night, I told Zayn i was moving away and he came with me. When we moved in our neighbor welcomed us with a hug and we met Niall Horan for the first time and that was the second thing that brought me closer to happiness. I laughed because ever since we met Niall, Zayn has had a crush on him. I'm not surprised Zayn started to move on, it's been 4 years since his fiancee died, I was obviously happy for him. The thing was they refused to acknowledge their feelings for each other but i guess they gave in, judging by what i was seeing now.

      "Hey, lovebirds." I greeted them, which of course caused their cheeks to go red.

      "Hey," they replied in sync.

       "Awwwwwww, you guys are so cute, so when's the wedding?"

       "Feb 20, sorry you're not invited."

       I choked on my breath, not at the fact that they were not inviting me but at the fact they were getting married already.

       "Um, guys are you sure?, like--"

        At that moment, they both burst out laughing their asses off, gaining a few glares as well as my own.

         "Oh my god, you should have seen your face, that incredulous look, we just started dating, like ten minutes ago.

        "How the hell am i supposed to know that?" feigning anger, I turned away, but on the inside i was so happy for Zayn, he deserves happiness and the amount I gave him wasn't enough, I don't blame him I would have been the same there's this thing about a friend being a source of happiness and a lover being one and the difference between them was vast. Suddenly I was being hugged from the back by two pairs of arms.

         "We're sorry," Zayn said in a baby voice.

          "It's okay, I wasn't mad but on a happier note, congratulations guys. I'm so happy for you."

          "Excusez-moi," a voice belonging to a woman with a grimace on her face, she obviously wanted us to move, still in the same position we shuffled a bit to the side. She huffed, flipped her hair and strode past us.We all started laughing at the same time. Guess people in France were homophobic as well.

                                                                                                                                                                                     ***

    At home again, I lived in a small two bedroom flat with a simple kitchen and a living room, the funny thing is my room was supposed to be a shoe room and it was bigger than Zayn's room which was originally a bedroom. Kicking off my shoes I sat down with my back to the door and my view was the window which conveniently was open. I missed it. I didn't only miss Louis, I missed being held, missed being kissed,missed being touched, I missed being loved. It was stupid to think that I could love again after Louis. He was it for me, he was the one no matter what happened and he died listening to me complain about him and the only reason i'm not dead right now is because of Zayn, but still everyday I think about him when I go to sleep and when I wake up. There's this thing a friend told me about it's called 'von' it's like this one thing you think about before you sleep, when you wake up, before anything it's always on your mind, it's always there until something replaces it. And me, my 'von' is Louis and there's nothing in the world that could replace him, nothing.

                                                                                                                                                                                ***

         "You went to the grocery store like last week." 

         "Well, my food's finished so I'm going again."

         "Fine, fine go do what you want."

      Sighing at his stupidity, I put on my coat and walked out already tired of his antics, he's been really grumpy ever since Niall left yesterday to Ireland. He had wanted to go but was held back because of his job, he almost quit until Niall soothed him with a kiss, which i didn't need to see. On my way to the supermarket, my heart started beating like a sledgehammer for some reason like something was going to happen, something that could either be my salvation or my destruction. Shaking the feeling off, I walked into the store, grabbed a trolley and started grabbing things that were missing frommy kitchen. As I walked around the store, I could hear a strangely familiar voice talking loudly the next aisle over. I closed my eyes, because it wasn't possible my mind was just playing tricks on me. After a bit I completely forgot about the voice. In the bread section though I heard it again, I almost screamed in frustration, get out of my head, but the voice brought back memories brought back things I couldn't reach, couldn't touch, couldn't love. It awakened a terrible beast called pain inside of me, that I thought I had killed a few months ago but I guess it was just sleeping, and its back now. Drawing in a shaky breath, trying to subside the pain in my chest but to no luck, soon I started to have trouble breathing and then I realized I was having a panic attack, which I haven't had from about the time I was fourteen, suddenly I hand came upon my shoulder. A hand that could not exist, because the person that hand belonged was dead, he died nearly a year ago. My mind kept coming with ways that this could not be possible but nothing could deny that voice, that delicate high pitched voice, laced with worry.

              "Mate, are you okay?"

        As I looked up, my breath was stolen away cause standing in front of me was Louis, his gentle blue eyes, his wavy brown hair, his lovely tanned complexion in any weather, but the only thing I could do was smile because that's what Louis did to me even while I was losing consciousness, he made me smile even when I felt every little piece of me shatter into a million pieces because there is no way this could be real, because I knew when I gained consciousness he wouldn't be there cause I lost my Louis on my birthday, so I just closed my eyes and let the darkness and pain consume every little piece of me until I was back right where I started. Until i was nothing.