The Art of Anesthesia

Prologue

I held the phone to my ear, my breath hitching in my throat as I waited for him to pick up. It rang and rang, my heart pounding faster the longer I had to wait for a reply. "Please pick up." I muttered as I paced my room, my eyes beginning to blur with tears. "Please Tony, please pick up goddam you." My dad stuck his head in my door, his expression lace with worry.
"You gotten hold of him yet?" He asked, keeping the door pulled too so my little brother couldn't see me. I shook my head in reply as I threw myself onto my bed, my free hand automatically reaching for the soft toy Tony won for me at the fair on Friday.
"He won't pick up, it keeps ringing and ringing. It won't even go to voicemail." I explained.
"Well, I'll drive you over there, you can make sure he's alright." Dad suggested, coming and sitting on the edge of my bed.
"What about Danny?" I asked as I hung up and threw my phone across the room.
"I've already asked Mrs Thomas next door to take him for a couple of hours, she's okay with it. You run him round and I'll get the car started." He suggested as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. My dad stood to leave, turning to face me as he reached the door. "Tony'll be okay."

I threw a hoody on and grabbed my phone, thrusting it into the bottom of my pants pocket. When I had composed myself enough, I walked to Danny's room, smiling slightly as I saw him packing some toys into his bookbag. "You gonna go and play with Timmy?" I asked, holding my hand out for Danny to take.
"We're gonna play cops and wobbers." Danny stated, grabbing his plastic sheriffs badge and pinning it to his shirt.
"Let's go then, we don't want the robbers to escape do we?" I asked, feigning fear as we walked up to Mrs Thomas' door, Danny grabbing my legs to hug me goodbye.
"Later." He smiled, kissing my thigh.
"Later." I promised as he walked through the door.

******

"I can't do it." I said to my dad as we sat in the car outside Tony's house. "I can't go in there."
"Yes you can, he's going to be okay." Dad reassured me, resting his hand on mine as I took a deep breath. "I'll be right behind you." I nodded and climbed out of the car, dodging the kids toys as I walked up the garden path.

I carefully inserted the key into the door, listening for the familiar click as it turned the deadbolt, allowing the door to swing open. The familiar smell of baked cookies and lavender hit my nose as I walked towards the stairs, hesitating as I placed my foot on the bottom step. I felt my dad's presence behind me as I took another step, slowly ascending the stairs, panic setting in as I reached the top. "I can't do it." I whispered, backing up into my dad.
"His parent's aren't home for another week." He pointed out, resting a hand on my shoulder for support. I shook my head and pushed open Tony's door, the blue wallpaper marked with permanent marker, the words I'm sorry standing out against a mess of other words and drawings.

My heart pounded against my chest, my breathes coming in pants as I turned towards the bed, my knees giving out as I saw my best friend, his arms bloody, his face pale. I could hear my dad on the phone, calling for an ambulance, but I blocked it out as I crawled to the bed, my hand reaching for Tony's. "Please be okay." I muttered as I searched for a pulse, my hand shaking as I pressed my fingers to his neck. "Come on Tony, please be okay." I heard a scream but I wasn't sure who's it was, all of my attention focusing on Tony, on making sure he was okay.

When I couldn't find a pulse, I panicked, my heart thudding out out my chest, my stomach doing back flips. I cradled his head against my chest, stroking back his hair from his face, my hands shaking uncontrollably. "Please don't go Tony, please don't leave me." I whispered. "I can't do it without you. I can't do it. Please don't leave me." I felt tears streaking my cheeks, my head pounding as I looked around frantically. "Dad, help me, please!" I yelled, my voice cracking.
"Come on Annabelle, let's go." He whispered, tugging gently on my shoulders.
"I'm not going, I'm not leaving him. I'm not going anywhere till he wakes up!" I shouted, glaring at my dad. "I can't leave. He can't be alone again. He shouldn't be alone again."
"Come on Annabelle, we should leave." My dad pleaded, his eyes filled with concern.
"I can't daddy." I sobbed. "I can't leave him. I can't leave. He shouldn't be alone. I'm not going anywhere."

I stayed with my arms wrapped around Tony, my knuckles going white, my heart pounding and my breathing heavy, until the paramedics came to get him, looks of sorrow etched upon their features. My body was stiff as I stood there, watching them zip the bag over his face, creating a sense of finality that nothing and no-one could undo. I collapsed into my dad's arms, cries of pain falling from my lips.

In that moment, I felt my heart break, shatter into a million pieces. Each piece flying into the night the further away Tony got.