Rain In Tokyo

Rain

Dahan dahan kong itinaas ang nanlalamig na mga kamay. Dumaloy ang patak ng ulan mula sa aking hintuturo, unti unti'y nababasa na ng mga ito ang suot kong jacket.

It's a freezing night here in Japan. Kung hindi ako umiiyak ngayon, mas maeengganyo siguro akong tingnan ang iba't ibang ilaw sa paligid. Ang ingay nang patak ng ulan na bumubuhos ngayon sa kalakhan ng Tokyo. Galing pa akong Shinjuku, dala dala ang mga bagahe na ngayon ay inuupuan ko.

I am pathetic. I feel so tired. I want to cry more but it seems like my tears aren't cooperating. Hindi ko din naman masisisi ang mga mata ko, buong araw yata akong umiyak, walang kain, hindi alam ang direksyon na pupuntahan.

And I hate myself, I hate how I trusted that man! I hate how fucking easy for me to forgive him anytime he asks to. I loathe myself for being like this even after he cheated and leave me with this burden in my chest. I hate how I forsake my family just for him.

This must be my karma, huh?

Natawa ako ng mapakla, pinahid ko ang luhang umalpas mula sa mga mata ko. Akalain mo nga naman, may iluluha pa pala ako?

Hindi pa rin tumitila ang ulan, napatingin ako sa luggage ko na hindi pa naisara ng maayos dahil sa pagmamadali kong umalis sa lugar na iyon. Hindi rin ganun kadami ang dinala ko, dahil lagi ko naman itong ginagawa. Aalis dahil sa galit at sakit, ngunit babalik pa rin. Tanga.

Kumuha ako ng coat, nanginginig ang kamay ko sa lamig habang nilalagay iyon. Mabuti nalang at sa halos lahat ng sulok ng Tokyo ay may bench na mauupuan.

I'm in front of 7eleven, sighing and thinking when should I go back, or will I really go back? After all the pain, I am slowly getting numbed. Just because I can't give him what he want, he resorted to other girls, for his worldly pleasure. Fucking prick.

Is it really that hard to respect your partner when it comes to that thing? When you love someone, does it mean that you need to give them that 'thing' too? No. Just no. I learned it the hard way. Lalo pa kung ang pagbibigyan mo ay isang taong hindi naman kayang makuntento at maghintay sayo.

Natawa ako sa sarili ko. Should I really be saying this? Do I deserve to say these things when in fact I left my family for him? That even though this already happened numerous time, I still guaranteed to came back? To came back to that toxic relationship.

It's like a spiral kind of thing, gustong gusto mong kumawala ngunit paano?

Besides, I don't even have close friends or acquaintances here. So how can I? Hindi ko nga kabisado ang kalakhan ng Tokyo kung kaya't paano? Now that I realized it, I really am fucking dumb. Pumasok sa relasyon ng hindi alam ang kahihinatnan.

Napatingin ako sa relo ko. 12 am. Hindi pa rin tumitigil ang ulan pero sapat na siguro ang oras na ginugol ko dito, panahon na para bumalik.

Hawak hawak ang maleta ay handang handa na akong suungin ang ulan ng may tumikhim sa likod ko.

"Mada ame ga futte imasu."

Napatingin ako sa nagsalita, may nakatakip na mask sa mukha niya. Kung hindi pa dahil sa mata niyang nakatitig sa akin ay hindi ko aakalain na ako ang kausap niya. Bumaling muli ang tingin ko sa lalong lumalakas na ulan. Crap. When will this rain stop?

Dahan dahan akong umatras at bumalik sa pwesto ko kanina.

Now, I'm here, in front of Tokyo's glimmering lights. stranded with a stranger while the rain is pouring so hard.

"Sōdesu yo. Kono ame wa itsu tomaru nodarou ka." pagsang ayon ko sa sinabi niya.

I am not fluent in Nihongo. Heck, I don't even know if what I said was right! Wait, what if I'm wrong?

Rinig kong tumawa siya sa gilid ko. Nalilito akong tumingin sakaniya kung kaya't lalo siyang tumawa. What the hell is wrong with this creep?

"Sorry for laughing."

"So you actually know how to speak in English." I muttered. He nodded. Maya maya'y may inilabas siyang pakete ng sikat na sigarilyo. So, he smoke. Not that I am surprised, he looked like a gangster with his black hooded coat. Kitang kita ko ang mga kwintas at hikaw na kumikinang sa tenga niya. He's also wearing a black boots. His outfit is all black.

"Want to smoke too?" pag aaya niya sa akin nang maabutan niyang nakatitig ako sakaniya.

I reached out for the cigarette but he didn't gave it to me. Dahan dahan niyang binaba ang mask niya at ngumisi.

"Just kidding." He teased.

Now that I see it, his appearance is angel - like, he's pale as snow. His lips are red. He definitely looks like a Japanese, so I'm guessing he's half or pure.

"Could'nt believe that I'm here, talking to a stranger."

"Same. This must be what they call destiny."

Napalingon ako sakaniya, agad siyang tumawa nang nakita ang nakasimangot kong mukha.

He acted as if he was surrendering. "Gomen, Gomen!"

Natahimik kami ng ilang sandali nang magsalita muli siya.

"Are you a tourist here?"

Umiling ako. "Nope."

"So, what is a lady like you, doing here in the heart of Tokyo, looking all sad and crying?" He whispered. I stared at him. He stared back at me.

"Oh does that creeped you out? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry or something like that." bigkas niya.

I could hear Saucy Dog's Itsuka from the background.

"No, it's fine." I reached out for the droplets of rain once again. "I got my heart broken again. I'm tired so I just wanted to get some fresh air."

Now that I said that, it felt less heavy.

"Rest, Miss. I won't say anything, so you can rest. Forget it all just this once."

Kasabay ng patak ng ulan ang pag alpas ng mga luha sa mata ko. How ironic, now that I am talking to a stranger, it felt like my tears decided to fall again. He's not saying anything and it's more than enough for me. I don't need someone to advice me or call me names foe being this pathetic. I just need someone to listen to all my wails and rants every once in a while. I yearned for that feeling, like I am not alone. That I have someone guiding me when I'm lost. And this time, it is this stranger.

I don't know what happened next, I am tired to even speak, I feel drowsy with the music, with this scent. And this scene. I just want to sleep.

"Yoku nemure, tenshi. Anata wa yasumu ni ataishita." was all I heard from him.