SBI Oneshots

I'm not stupid

TW panic attack, self depreciating thoughts

Tommy POV

My smile slowly faded, moments after I clicked end stream. Putting up such a happy, loud, "annoying" exterior on the internet was getting so exhausting. I spent hours just looking in the mirror, putting on a smile that looked convincing enough. I sighed, stepping out of my chair and flopping onto my bed. How much longer could I do this for? 

The delicious smell of spicy chicken filled the house, and as if on cue, Phil called everyone down for dinner. I didn't feel like eating, but I pulled myself off my bed and slumped down the stairs. As I reached the table, Techno glanced at me worriedly, before returning back to his book. I could tell he knew something was up, yet I could never bring myself to admit the fact that I wasn't feeling myself.

Wilbur finally jogged down the stairs, his scarlet red beanie sitting on his fluffy brown hair. He immediately started talking about the new song he was writing, all the chord progressions and lyrics. Phil was just nodding along, dishing up the food as I sat there, trying to drown out the noise. There was really no point of me being here, huh. I wasn't really contributing anything. If only I could just disappea-

My thoughts were cut off to the delicious food being placed in front of me, and I thanked Phil. I really didn't feel hungry, yet I forced down forkfuls of chicken and rice. They were all talking about last years road trip down to brighton. Living up north it took hours, and being stuck in a car with Wilbur was an interesting experience to say the least.

"God, I remember on the way there Tommy spilt ice cream all over my new shirt. Toms you're so stupid sometimes"

Stupid. Stupid stupid. STUPID. Tommy you are so STUPID. That one damn word. Stupid. I am so stupid. I felt my breath get caught in my throat. STUPID. My hands got all clammy with sweat. STUPID. Hot tears streamed down my face. How STUPID. I couldn't breathe. It felt as if the entire world was against me. Muffled voices yelled, but all I could do was curl up in a ball. I couldn't breathe. I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around me, but I still couldn't breathe. My eyesight was clouded by tears, my entire body shaking.

"TOMMY!" Technoblades voice rung in my ears. "Tommy I need you to look at me, okay?" I looked into his eyes. "Try and name five things you can see, can you do that for me Toms?", I gulped, my eyesight still blurred, oxygen still unobtainable, but I tried.

"Y-your pink h-hair.. Wilburs r-red beanie.. m-my hands... Phils h-hair... and.. the f-floor.." I choked out.

"Good job Toms, you're okay I promise, can you name four colours you see?" Techno kept on asking me questions on what I could see, smell, touch, until I was calm enough to form coherent sentences.

"You're doing so amazing Toms, can you follow my breathing? Inhale... Exhale.. good job", I followed his steps until I had calmed down from my panic attack, still shaking yet exhausted. Techno picked me up in his arms, and took me upstairs into my room.

He laid me under my duvet, and then got in next to me, holding me close. I'd have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow, but atleast I was safe now.

There was nowhere safer than my brothers arms.

577 words. :]