[ONESHOT] Akyat-bahay ka ba? Kasi wala naman pinto ang puso ko pero napasok mo

[ONESHOT] Akyat-bahay ka ba? Kasi wala namang pinto ang puso ko pero napasok mo

Isang makalumang love story (seryoso, it's set in the '70s). This was based on the script I had to make for our English class... in 15 minutes. Ni-revise nang kaunti para maging presentable kahit paano. Gustuhin ko mang i-justify 'yung kasagwaan nito, hindi ko rin magagawa dahil ang tanging dahilang pwede kong i-present ay ito: Mababa lang siguro ang standards pagdating sa "comedy" ng mga taong nakaisip na pwede itong i-present sa harap ng klase. Not that they had any choice to begin with.

Written in 2012, bago magkatotoo ang 100% accurate prediction ni Nostradamus tungkol sa pagguho ng mundo dahil sa Gangnam Style.

--x--

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named LUZVIMINDA. She is a conservative 18-year-old young lady from the Philippines, but you know what they say: On the dance floor, the good girls go BAD...

SCENE 1: DISCO - NOVEMBER 26, 1979 - 7:00 PM

LUZVIMINDA went inside the disco. She is wearing a tube top, bell-bottomed pants, counterfeit uggs, and hoop earrings. While she was loitering in the disco, her eyes become fixated on a handsome boy with shaggy hair - he's wearing bell-bottomed pants, a really tight sando, a sleeveless denim jacket, and boots. He gives a sexy wink to Luzviminda.

"Wow, he's HOT."

Luzviminda starts walking towards the handsome boy. "What's your name?" she asks. The boy turns around and replies in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled. "Fernando."  He walks towards his newfound love interest Luzviminda as well. "Let's cha-cha, señorita."

Fernando inadvertently bumps into a person who spills the contents of a brandy snifter all over himself, profusely swearing in the process. All eyes are on Fernando as he shimmies like a newly circumcised catholic boy towards Luzviminda. Fernando's gorgeously rugged look causes a middle-aged lady to have her panties fall off in the distance. The world slows down as Luzviminda and Fernando start dancing in the disco like two bell-bottomed kalabaws in a barrio.

"Cha-cha-cha, ariba cha-cha-cha," Fernando awkwardly sings as he tries his best not to slip on the alcohol spilled on to the dance floor. "Oh boy, your cha-cha turns me on," the lovestruck Luzviminda mutters back. The two lovebirds start grinding against each other in a completely platonic way.

...

SCENE 2: OUTSIDE THE DISCO - NOVEMBER 27, 1979 - 12:51 AM

Luzviminda and Fernando are walking home in a not-so-platonic way after a long, eventful night (midnight) of disco. This place, for some reason, has no such thing as checkpoints or police patrol. A stray dog, never to be seen or heard of again, turns into an aswang a few blocks away from the lovers.

"Fernando, I want you to meet my parents. I love you, you love me... I was taught to think it's perfectly fine to settle down with someone I just met, as long as he has nice eyes... and a horse."

"Mamma mia! Isn't it too soon?"

"No."

"Oh."

...

SCENE 3: THE GATE OF LUZVIMINDA'S HOUSE - NOVEMBER 27, 1979 - 1:43 AM

Luzviminda and Fernando are in front of the house, a bahay kubo with air conditioning. Fernando sees Luzviminda's face contort to a slightly shocked and constipated expression, for a reason he's unaware of for the moment. He thinks the expired adobo in the bar may have something to do with it, but he quickly dismisses the thought. The happenings at the bar flashes back to his mind, and he regrets not kissing the living discolights out of Luzviminda earlier. That would have left one hell of an impression. Tongue against tongue, sweat dripping, a very wet...