youth ❀ karlnap

it was falling

"Sapnap," Karl immediately sobbed, balling his hands up in Sapnap's shirt and shoving his face into his shoulder. He was almost scared for a moment that his affections wouldn't be reciprocated, but he melted into Sapnap's touch more when he felt his arms wrap around his body and squeeze him tightly.

"Shh," Sapnap sighed softly, his breath so close. His hand rubbed over his back, which sent shivers through Karl's spine. Karl couldn't help but yank him closer, knowing he was soaking his sweatshirt with his tears, but he was sure that Sapnap wouldn't mind. Not when he was talking to him in that voice.

"Oh, Karl." Sapnap said quietly. They still showed no sign of wanting to break apart. Karl felt gazes boring into his back but he didn't care. Sapnap was in his arms, he was holding him as tight as he could manage, he was breathing him in.

Sapnap, Sapnap, Sapnap.

"I-I missed you so much," Karl sniffled hard, finally lifting his head and looking at him again with bleary eyes. "You have no idea what I've been through."

"I can only imagine," Sapnap breathed, slowly sliding his hands away from around his back and finding Karl's hands to squeeze them gently. The way they touched each other came natural, but also felt so intimate. It made Karl's heart skip beats as it pounded in his chest.

"I missed you too," Sapnap whispered, and Karl practically watched flames flicker in his dark eyes. He was so handsome; it was almost painful to notice that he was going through with his transition while Karl had been left alone to go through female puberty. His cries were undermined by his mom. He remembered the first time he looked in the mirror and realized that it was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not, and that he was going to despise the body that stared back at him for years. Sapnap was so lucky. He deserved it, of course, but Karl couldn't help but feel jealous. Sapnap was sitting here, looking like a god, while Karl probably looked like a little kid, with his color-block hoodie and fluffy hair.

"You look so good," Karl murmured, not afraid to say that to him. He took the time to admire the features of his face and compare it to the yearbook pictures of Sapnap that he had engraved in his mind ever since they were separated. It was so similar, yet so different at the same time. Like he mentioned, he literally had stubble peppered across his jaw, and he looked more masculinized, and God, his voice. He melted whenever he said even the simplest of words already. Yeah, it was obvious that he had been harboring feelings for him this entire time, and now that he was right in front of him, they were blowing up even more.

He just wondered if this reciprocation of affections was Sapnap's way of showing him that he felt the same, or if this was all just supposed to be a platonic exchange.

Either way, Karl didn't care, at least for now. He was more than grateful to have Sapnap back in his life, and he could be happy with just that forever.

"Thank you," Sapnap smiled brightly, and he glanced a bit over Karl as well, which made him blush impossibly more. "You do too, Karl."

This felt like a dream. It suddenly sunk in that he was sitting in Sapnap's lap while they stared at each other, so with a shy laugh, especially so at the compliment, he shifted off and awkwardly stood up next to the table. He turned and looked at the other kids with big eyes, and they were all staring at the two of them with smirks on their faces.

"Okay, so this is the Karl you wouldn't shut up about?" One of them spoke up, who was a boy with curly hair and a surprisingly British accent. Wait... there were two people there who looked astoundingly similar. One of them just had round glasses and his face close to a book.

"Oh, be quiet," Sapnap laughed, which was so contagious. Karl giggled a bit, even though he had no context of the situation. It warmed his heart to know that Sapnap had talked about him all this time. "Yes, he is."