𝐎𝐇 𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 ; lord tewkesbury

XV.

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The breeze felt nice against my skin, like a breath in the cold night. I sat here, touching the sand, making sure that it was real.

My world had become dark, in thoughts and in sounds. Crashing, constantly crashing. It seemed to become more violent as I grew with age.

I'd never see the man ever again, my father. People passed him, knew who he was and knew that I was alive but they stayed silent. I would probably never know the reason, why each person does what they do.

I felt bad for him, if the words he spoke were true, if he really did love her. My mother who left him helpless, how blind he was to fall for someone like her. Someone who felt more alive than anyone who had ever touched the dirt of the Earth.

I knew why she chose to marry, she wanted him near. She didn't love him, she couldn't, but she liked him. She liked the feeling she got when he made her smile, or laugh. She liked that he loved her.

It was perhaps the most lighthearted but evil thing that you could do to a person. Have them fall so deeply for you, have what you share feel so pure, and then snatch it all away leaving it to crumble.

It's not on purpose, but it's because you have to. You have to continue moving and leave them behind if you truly wanted to achieve everything you've ever wanted. I understood that fully.

I heard him come from behind me, I knew the way his steps graced the earth, the way he walked.

We stayed silent, only looking ahead. I don't think either of us even wanted to talk.

I couldn't leave him, he was everything that I wanted to be and possess if I wasn't like this. If I wasn't stubborn and messy, if I could just settle down and find security.

But I couldn't stay either, I knew that.

I'd try to be with him, make the world stop so that we'd have it for ourselves.

I'd be try to be happy, I'd laugh at his jokes and wallow in his sadness.

I'd try to match his perfection, although I'd fail miserably as he was too perfect for the worlds evil.

I'd try so hard to stay till it would tear me apart.

I'd let it.

The one thing I wouldn't have to try to do was love him. I'd always love him, no matter how many moons kept us apart. No matter how selfish I became, it would always be him.

One day he would marry a girl who was just as lovely as him, and I'd watch from a distance. I wouldn't regret the choice I made. I wouldn't regret loving him or leaving him. But I'd regret how I treated him, how I never showed that I cared deeply for us.

I wanted to tell him all of this. Tell him how beautiful he was, how he was the last thing I thought of before closing my eyes at night.

He was the only person in the world I'd ever feel this way for. I never dreamed of being in love, but here I was. It sounded like something the poets would write, perhaps they were correct about it all. They had written the words, engraved in my soul, each with such density, as if it were the most powerful thing on Earth.