𝐎𝐇 𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 ; lord tewkesbury

XVI.

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"Where are you going?" He asked quietly.

I backed up far from him, squeezing myself with my arms. The warmth from his body had faded quickly, leaving me cold.

I tried so hard to not fall apart in front of him but I'm afraid nature had it's own plans.

A part of me wanted him gone already, married and happy. At least then I could stop myself from coming close to him or ever speaking to him again.

Because she'd be there, whoever she was.

I imagined her blonde, fair skinned. She would look like Lilia, beautiful to everyone's eyes. She would be charming yet reserved, and she would know how to dance really well. She'd be a great deal better than me.

I wondered what she was doing right now, she didn't know what her future held. That the boy sitting in front of me would one day be hers to keep. It would be the greatest gift of her life. I just hope that she cherishes him, he deserves that.

And yet, in his happiness, I'd dwell.

Emotions, well they are evil. I couldn't stop them, I hated that. I hated my jealousy and my anger, my imagination and my longing.

Why did I have to be bestowed with such a tragic love?

What did I do to deserve this, to long for liberty, crave it. To crave every single bit of the Earth intensely. A gift, that's what my mother called it, to me it only seemed like madness. Its own form of hell. I wished so badly to escape before the flames devoured me. Unless they already have in some way, and that this was the opposite of what I was thinking. That burning could really scathe me.

The soul crushing reality of love.

The un-happy endings.

Love against psych. Both some of the human races biggest mysteries. The brain, the heart, both so incredibly intricate. I always lead with my mind, not my heart, I was so conditioned to do so that it's impossible for me to stop.

My mind was telling me to leave, that there was something more beyond this. That there was so much more to see, so much more beauty, and joy and pain, and that I would relish in it. That I would regret not going to see, to discover all of its mystery. The world.

But maybe it was my heart that was telling me all of this, not my head. That this love was only minuscule compared to what was out there.

Maybe a part of my journey included falling in love with him, an eternal flame. Shortly lit but forever lasting. They wanted me to fall in love, to feel what that felt like, the power it held.

But there was so much more.

I couldn't feel small enough for him, that's why we would always fail. In this universe, at least. But there was another time, in another place, that this would work. And we'd love endlessly and substantially. And it would be beautiful.

"I met my father Tewksbury." I broke the silence that hovered between us, thick like smoke.

He looked puzzled but he didn't say anything. Instead his eyes remained fixed on me.