RAINY DAY [H.S.]

-8-

The smell of pancakes traveling in my nostrils and those rays of sun traversing the window of our kitchen makes my heart happy. The light reflecting against the wood flooring making the whole atmosphere so calm, so peaceful almost not real. 

And she is standing her, humming her favourite song, very quietly, her voice is so smooth, so calm it makes me feel safe, it makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about. It's the kind of small moments I will always remember. 

I can see my dad walking behind her and wrap his arm around her waist picking her up by surprise and making her giggle, and that must be one of the purest sound on earth. Their eyes land on me, standing at the door smiling like an idiot at the happy view in front of me. 

"i'm gonna catch you Jane too Jane!" my dad smiles as he run over me, and both me and my mom just laughs loudly. The laugh slowly do echos through my mind as I can feel a warm tear rolling down my cheek. 

God, I miss her. I miss all of it.

It's been 15 minutes i'm in the shower, sitting there, my knees against my chest as I wipe my tear away with the palm of my hand quickly, I need to get ready for this damn party, I honestly just wanna stay home but since Ellias decided to text my dad about it, he won't leave me alone with it. 

"You should go and have some fun with your friends, I will be fine." he said. He won't be fine, he will probably work on his file till he can't keep his eyes open anymore and get shooted with medicine to keep him up. I don't know when I will get my dad back, but the men sitting on that chair since some days now is certainly not him. I can't blame him, I changed too. 

After I got done brushing the messy dark hair of mine, getting stuck in every knots out there, I finally walked over my miror in the corner of my room. I picked a brown sweatshirt and a pair of random jeans. I know, this is not a really festive outfit, but the truth is, I don't have any dresses, I hate those. 

I took time to apply some mascara tho, and to cover the red puffy eyes with some concealer to look less dead. I'm just starring at myself with no emotion, I don't even feel pretty. And on the other hand, there is this idiot picking me up in 5 without my conscent. I didn't even say yes. 

I must me some kind of amusement for him, someone he can chase around for fun, wait till he finds out I don't even care, he could do whatever he wants to hurt me he couldn't even make me sad. I'm vulnerable but not weak. 

I get out of my thoughs as soon as I hear loud knocks at my window, he does know door exists, right? 

As I make my way to the window, I can't help but raise an eyebrow at how smiley he is, standing there with his lil dimples, he kinda looks innocent like that, how ironic. I open the door to a chuckling. "a sweatshirt?" he says as if he is a bit surprised by the outift I picked. 

I can't help but roll my eyes back already annoyed by this whole party situation. "I hate dresses." is all I say as I climb out my window and close it behind me. 

"You're too scared to knock at my door?" I ask. He looks, a small bit of worry flash very quickly in his green eyes before that iconic smirk pop out again, not even awnsering my question as he makes his way to a small grey car, it looks hella old but I won't judge it, I don't even have my own car. 

He don't even open the door for me and sit at the driver seat as I just sit, the exact same smell of cigarette and cologne hitting me straight in the face. "thanks for the car door." I mumble looking over at him, obviously just trying to bother him a bit since he loves confrontations so much. 

"I'm not into those polite stuff, you got a hand, then you can open a door." he awnsers as we stare at each others for some seconds in silence before a small smile appears on my lips causing him to chuckle softly as he starts the engine and drives away. 

That must be one the first honest smile he ever got for me and those are very rare. The car ride is essentially him smoking and driving way too fast, but I suspect him just doing that to impress me. I'm not impressed. 

Once we arrived there, I could see some students walking over the frat house where I suppose the party was taking place at. The music was making the car vibrate by how loud it was and some girls in tight little dress crossed the street to reach the house. I look homeless compared to them, I can't help but look down as I can feel a small pain in my heart, I wish I was as confident and smiley as them, they looks like they're having so much fun. 

"hey" his voice makes me look up at him as he smile a bit, searching for my eyes as he tilt his head to the side. "I think brown suits you" he adds. This men got some mind reading talent or something. I awnser with a small nod and get out of the car the music getting louder by each steps I take over the house. 

I can feel Harry's presence close behind me as I enter the house, and I hate to say this but having a familiar face with me makes me feel a bit more safe. As soon as I spot Ellias on the couch I turn back to Harry and bent over his ear to talk loudly so he could hear me.

"Thanks for driving me here, go with your friends have fun!" he then bent over my ear and says 

"I will be outside if you need me" he awnsers as I lift my eyebrows up, confused. Outside? Why would he go outside at a party? I don't ask him anything about it and makes my way to Ellias, pushing some students on my way, there is so many people in here. 

The smell in here is returning my whole stomach, the amout of sweat and alcohol scents in here seems to only bother me. The loud music making my heart beat in my damn ears as I sit beside Ellias, he looks over at me and frowns. 

"A brown sweat-shirt?" he shouts in my ear as I just nod. Great, the party start well, what do they all have with my sweat shirt, it's comfortable and Harry said brown was my color. Or maybe he just wanted to be nice with me, which is also an option. 

Some random blonde girl walks over Ellias and sits on his laps casually, as he gives me an awkward glare, just like he didn't want me here when he was the one inviting me earlier. The blonde girl seems annoyed by my presence as well and raise on of her eyebrow. Alright, I get it, i'm not welcome on that couch anymore.

I knew coming here was a bad idea, I don't know what made me accept coming here, but I deeply regret it now. I make my way to the kitchen and take a small shot of vodka, I cleary need it, at least one. I bring my drink up my lips and sips the shot, feeling the hot sticky liquid running down my troath as I cough lightly at the feeling. I don't know what i'm doing here, what I should do now that i'm alone like a dumbass, dressing all casual when everyone around me looks stunning. 

The hours pass by, and I drink, shots after shots, since I have nothing better to do. I can see Ellias making out with another blond girl, or maybe it's the same? God they all look similar to me. After some shots, I can feel my body warm as I make my way to the dancing area, stepping on some random people's toes, pushing in some others, I can feel the whole room spinning, but honestly I just wanna be like them for once and have fun. 

So all I can do is dance, moving every inches of my body in sync with the different songs, all of them hitting my ears so hard I think it will make it explode. The more the time pass by, the more the alcohol start hitting through my body, and as soon as I'm fully wasted, I'm letting go all those problems, all my worries. 

If I knew alcohol was that benefic for me I would have drink earlier, and a bunch. I can feel a huge hand grabbing me by the arm tightly "Ellias finallyyyyyy how was the blondie" I yell with all the air I have left in my lunch as I try to blink to see who's standing in front of me. 

"you're wasted, I will drive you back home" that low toned voice, those green eyes and those hands tattoos makes me laughs loudly, why would someone like him even care. "Hell no i'm a WOMEN and I do what I wanttttt" I yells back as I dance like my life depends on it. 

His strong arms wraps itself around my waist and push me up his shoulder as he makes his way to the front door. I can't really remember what happened next, I just know I fell asleep on his shoulders, getting tired hitting his back with my fists.