"with two shitty jobs each, they finally made just enough to rent out a one bedroom apartment in a greasy town in the middle of nowhere. at twenty one years old, both used to dream of financial stability and the satisfaction of being away from home...
natalia dreyfus's tiny framed body sunk into the embrace of the worn down full mattress as the thick grey blanket rested comfortably, weighted on top of her as the bed molded her shape. the past day or two had exhausted her mental and nat decided to turn in earlier than her roommate, hoping for some time to reevaluate alone solemnly. again, she'd borrowed blue's earphones and kept them stuck deeply inside her ears, drowning out all external noise and ambience besides the mellow sweet songs playing in her head. from the excessive strain she had suffered from the stress and disbelief, a pounding aching from her forehead spread to her limbs. the shivering cold from the mattress began warming, bombarding her with heat therapeutically. and there, the brown-haired beauty laid alone in the shadows of the bedroom, finally having the toughest conversation she refused to have.
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whilst thinking back to what she had said to alice, she thought of the hopes and aspirations she had held highly for herself at the age of 5, for when she became 21. although they were unrealistic, if she had followed up to what she had planned back then, what would it be like? as a bright child, she distinctly remembered a previous endearing conversation with her mother, in which she had given reassurance about the unknown future. the true root hidden in a memory always reoccurring in her dreams. one snug night way back when, the single mother tucked the heavy-eyed toddler into a comforter covered in clouds, a truly dreamy covering. she then sat on the side of her daughter's creaky twin bed to kiss her goodnight, until natalia had interrupted her.
"mommy?" the child's fingers wrapped around her mother's arm, gripped tightly to prevent her from leaving.
"mhm?"
"i-i don't want to grow up. growing up sounds scary," she had overheard the conversation held between her mother and her brother, the hesitant talk of becoming fully grown, the acceptance of the gradual heaving weight of responsibilities and unavoidable hardships. the pleading emotion in her eyes glowed in the dark, reflecting the light peeking through the crack left open from the wooden bedroom door. and as the mother began to speak to reassure her, she interrupted again. "i want to be with you forever. i don't want to leave."
"i know," mrs. dreyfus contemplated her next words carefully, as she knew even the tiniest mistake could leave a regrettable imprint in her memory. "but, think of it this way. you can drive by yourself and go have fun with blue whenever you want. you'll get to have your dream job and eventually, you'll even have your own house! and, you can invite me over, i'll be there anytime you want."
"you mean it?"
"i mean it." inside, ms. winona dreyfus thought to herself that her middle child had turned out to be just like her. always determined and ambitious, but never wanting to step out of the comfort zone. there, as the door of the child's bedroom closed shut and the crack of hopeful light disappeared, young natalia daydreamed of her life as a grown adult, planning out who she wanted to be, imagining the sweet side of adult life her mother described—the point of view she hadn't thought through. maybe it wouldn't be as terrifying as it seemed.
