Words hurt like knives

Dont read if easily triggered

Austin Carlile. I am a nobody. If you want a little more backup information, I'm gay, constantly bullied at school and abused by my mom because of it. Music is the only thing that can make me happy. I want to be in a band but I won't be alive long enough.

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I walked through the horrible corridors of the hellhole called school. Immediately my eyesight was on a certain ginger named Alan Ashby. He was the most gorgeous boy ever but there was no way in hell that he would ever be interested in me, even if he was gay.

I was pushed into a locker "FAG!" If it weren't for my low self-esteem I could easily fight back. I was tall and lanky and frankly pretty strong but I let the bulling happen because, I mean, I deserved it. I simply picked myself up off the ground and continued to my class.

First period: English. It's my favorite subject but I hate the class because most of my main bullies are in the same class. I quickly made my way to a seat in the very back corner, not bothering to take my headphones out. I wouldn't be able to focus on the teacher anyway.

My bullies came into the classroom along with Alan Ashby. He never hung around my bullies but was extremely popular because of his looks and amazing personality. I wanted him.

It wasn't 5 seconds after the annoying pricks came into the classroom when I started hearing mean remarks. "Stupid, faggot, worthless, anorexic, kill yourself" words I heard everyday. Then I heard something new, "You don't believe here fag, you should run back to your drunk mother and jump off a building with her." I was honestly surprised. I didn't think anyone knew about that. I tried to block out everyone but every single word hurt like knifes.

When the period was over I rushed into the bathroom and went to my special pocket in my backpack. I pulled out a small piece of metal that I've used for my self destruction up to now.

I went into a stall and locked it. I brought the blade to my thighs again and again until blood was coving my skins. I let out a small sob but I muffled it when I heard the bathroom door open. I quickly grabbed toilet paper and tried to stop the bleeding. I heard a voice, Alan Ashby. "Who's in here?" I didn't dare open my mouth.

Alan's POV.

I pushed open the door of the men's bathroom. I heard something that sounded like a choked back sob. "Who's in here?" I wanted to make sure whoever it was, was alright. I only saw one locked stall. I knocked on it. "Are you okay in there?" I would look under the door but they could be naked and I didn't want to see like a pervert. I heard heavy breathing from the other side. I hope he isn't having a panic attack.

"If you're having a panic attack in there, breath in for 7 seconds, hold for 4, and breathe out for 8". It was a handy tip I saw on tumblr. I used it often and I always helped me.

Austin's POV

Why was he helping me? I'm a worthless freak. I don't deserve his pity. I managed to make the cuts stop bleeding. I pulled my skinny jeans up, irritating the freshly harmed skin. I put my head down and walked out of the stall. I tried to hurry up and leave the bathroom but Alan grabbed my arm. I yelped in pain, he grabbed a spot with 2-day-old cuts. Alan turned me toward him. "Are you okay?" He looked into my eyes, a look of worry on his face. I pulled my arm away. "I'm perfectly o-fucking-kay." I don't know why I felt it was necessary to snap at him or curse but I was surprised by the reaction.

I heard him humming I'm not okay by MCR. "You listen to My Chem?" He smiled and nodded. "Of course I do. Who wouldn't listen to godly sounds that come from Gerard Way's mouth." I smiled. "Well nice chatting with you." Alan flashed me a gorgeous smile. "Catch you later Carlile." I internally laughed. Not if I'm dead.

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2am. On the floor, sobbing, ready to take my own life. I wasn't going to slit my wrists or take pills. There's a small chance I could survive that. I opened my window and jumped out, hitting the ground with a thud. I was on my way to the bridge.

I knew the bridge was far, I prepared myself for the 20 minute walk in the cold. I had a jacket on and earbuds in. The last bit of comfort I would get before I was buried six feet deep.

I was listening to I'm not okay by My Chemical Romance and thinking back to the conversation I had with Ashby earlier. I had the tiniest shred of hope spark up only to have it immediately destroyed by the demons in my head.

I approached the bridge, and after a bit of a war in my head, I climbed up on the ledge. "Carlile! Wait! What're you doing!" I heard the familiar voice of Alan Ashby.

I turned toward him. "What the fuck are you doing at the bridge at 2am!" I yelled Alan. I needed an answer before I died. "I would like to same to you."

I started laughing out loud. "Isn't is obvious... I'm killing myself! Are you just really fuck stupid or something? Today in the bathroom I was hurting myself! Don't even try with any 'don't do this I love you Austin' bullshit. It's too late..."

I looked at Alan's tear stained face. Regret filled my gut, but it was too late. I felt the air tear at my arms and then ther-

3rd person POV

The entire school showed up the Austin's funeral. No one cried genuine tears except for one person, Alan Ashby. He loved Austin for as long as he could remember but he was just too late. He was forever haunted by the sight of the tall boy falling. Alan eventually got a boyfriend was never the same happy ginger boy he once was. He fell into the same habit that got Austin killed, self harm. It wasn't until almost 6 years later, when Alan made it in a band that he "accidentally" died by falling off of stage. It wasn't like his band, Of Mice and Men was big or was going to be big. Was Alan in some sort of afterlife with Austin? Or were they just two depressed souls wandering for eternity?

A/N

Sorry if this was too triggering...

The end of Austin's part is a tfios reference. He's dead, he not going to tell you what's happening.

I enjoyed writing this, I hope you enjoyed reading it <3

~Ali