All Things Nice » Band of Brothers

78: Undoing

Posey didn't know how she was going to do this. She didn't know how she could possibly say goodbye to these people she loved so dearly, knowing she'd never see them again. The men she held dearest to her heart, the ones who'd known her secret and kept it and had been the most loyal friends she'd ever had, didn't deserve this. But what else was there to do? She'd been making frivolous decision after frivolous decision and now it was coming back to bite her, now she was getting her comeuppance. She deserved this, had brought it upon herself.

That didn't make it any easier to bear.

When she made it back to the line Posey's first order of business was finding Gene to let him know that Nixon needed to see him. The plan needed to be passed down as orders, he would never agree to it otherwise.

Gene nodded and tried for a smile after she told him, and when he turned to leave he squeezed her arm reassuringly. He didn't deserve this, being the bearer of the bad news. He didn't deserve her forcing yet another secret upon him, and this one he'd have to take to his grave.

With the first steps of the plan set into motion, Posey made her way over to her foxhole. Her heart ached and her feet felt heavy, the rest of her completely numb. She couldn't believe this was happening. It didn't feel real. She thought she'd wake up tomorrow morning and it would all have been a nightmare and she'd tell Bill about it and he'd laugh, call her paranoid, and then they'd trek over to get breakfast like they always did.

But when she got back to the foxhole George and Johnny were both there with Bill and she knew that it would never happen. That was another dream she'd have to let go.

Her heart cracked at the look Johnny gave her, crestfallen and at a loss for what to say.

"Hi," she said when she was close enough, meeting his eyes through the growing darkness.

"Wells -" Johnny began.

She smiled sadly. "My name's Posey. You may as well know."

"Posey," he corrected himself, either fighting a smile or trying to force one. "We talked to the others. They ain't gonna say anything to anyone."

"I won't tell anyone that you knew," she replied, "if the brass find out."

"The brass ain't gonna find out," Bill said with conviction. Posey glanced down at him where he was sat in the foxhole and wanted to cry, but she didn't.

"I know," she said. "But in the event they do I just want you all to know that I won't tell."

"Eh, you ain't got anything to worry about, Duckie," George dismissed her. She smiled at the fact that he'd chosen to use her nickname, the one he'd given her, even now that he knew her name. She'd always be Duckie to him, at least. She just wished she could be Duckie a little while longer.

She wanted to hug them both so badly but she knew she couldn't, otherwise they'd know something was wrong. So she offered a watery smile and a half-shrug, willing the tears in her eyes away. She loved these men and she hoped they knew it, hoped they'd remember it when they needed to.

Looking at them both, smiling back at her in the semi-darkness, her heart both swelled and shattered with affection. "I can have a hug now, right?" she asked, throwing caution to the wind. She couldn't help it. "Now that everyone knows I'm a girl?"

George laughed and Johnny rolled his eyes and she took that as a yes from both of them. She hugged George first and it was exactly the kind of hug she would have expected from him, tight and warm and with laughter on both sides as he swayed them side to side. He held her at arms length when he pulled back and looked at her seriously for a moment. "You alright?" he asked quietly.