The Ghost You Left Behind

Chapter 11

It was as if it happened yesterday. The crash, his dull eyes, his limp body. The battle between life and death, the victory of the Grim Reaper. The silent cries and horrid screams, the desperate need seeping through my pores. The sound of a breaking heart, the ache of a dying soul. 

It all comes back to me as we surround the very place this all started, the very tree that oversaw everything, the very street that betrayed us. The sound of the leaves rattling and the wind blowing in my ears. The sound of the birds singing their condolences bringing unwanted familiarity to this disconcerting affair. 

The lit lantern in our hands takes my attention away from the scene, my thoughts trying to bring me back to such a traumatizing part of my life. Trying to trap me in such a vulnerable state where I lose control over all of me and give in to it's doing. 

"It's time," Mrs. Rimirez says, speaking into the silence. "Everyone, raise your lanterns."

I do as told, though I don't want to let it go. Because in a way, it's as if I'm letting Lyrric go.

"Ready?" Taylor puts his arm around me, trying to send comfort through his embrace.

"No."

"And...release."

I watch as everyone lets go of their lantern, sending it up to Lyrric in the heavens. Letting him know that we remember him and that in a way, we also have to let him go. I watch as the sky lights up with new golden stars, overtaking the dark blue and creating a new image. 

"Tonia," Mrs. Rimirez calls me, bringing her eyes to my lantern. 

I swallow hard, hesitating.

I'm sorry Lyrric.

Then with a low breath, let it go. 

I look down at my hands as everyone else watches my lantern float, feeling as though I let go of Lyrric's hand. As though I finally lost Lyrric's touch, as though Lyrric's presence left me for good. 

"Does anyone want to say something about Lyrric?" Mr. Rimirez chimes in. "A memory, something that reminds you of him, an old joke he used to say?" 

I close my eyes when I feel Taylor's hand squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. Almost as if he could sense what this night is doing to me. My teeth clenched tight to prevent any sobs from escaping my throat, and my hands balled into fists to try to contain myself. 

"I will," one of Lyrric's older brothers says, filling in the silence of the night. Then he chuckles, "I remember this one joke he used to always say. It was so annoying but funny."

I tune out all of the talking as others start to tell their stories. Their memories all involving one person. Their stories bringing warmth and comfort to those who need it, yet to me, it brings nothing but a bitter ache to my heart. Their moments and memories a confirmation that this is real, that this is our reality. That the person who was once the source of our happiness is now nothing more than a mere memory. 

"Tonia?" Mrs. Rimirez calls me once more.

I look up at her.

"Anything you want to say?" 

The lingering eyes of all of Lyrric's family members and closest friends find me as his mother asks the question. Making me meet every one of them as the ache in my heart grows.

"No," I look down, not wanting to see the judgemental stares. My answer taking Mrs. Rimirez by surprise, yet she doesn't question my response. Just gives a simple nod and moves on to the next person. 

"Very well then, if that's all let's finish this up." Mr. Rimirez says to all of us as the last person finishes giving their remarks. 

We finish up the last of the memorial ceremony, then have one last moment of silence before we all say our goodbyes and head home.