Emotions

First and last chapter

(Authors note: wrote this ages ago, wanted to put this out there. It's from an anime called parasyte, if you haven't watched it, go watch it. If you aren't done, go finish it, bc this has spoilers. Anyways, if anyone reads this, enjoy)

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Laying in bed at half past midnight, shinichi pondered everything he had ever known, Something that he knew all of his life.

Emotions.

He used to feel them so intensely. He used to bask in mood swings and feelings that never left his side.

It was normal. He didn't think much about it. They were always there. Still are, but so dimmed down, that it didn't feel half as real.

He relishes in the tiny emotional outbursts he has. Although few and far between, they released a sense of comfort over him.

Even though this might be on an extreme level, it feels almost nostalgic.

With parts of migi in his blood, he is able to calm down easily and quickly.

Right. Migi.

It's almost funny.

The way he gained a parasyte he didn't want, lost him, mourned, got him back, only for migi to to get up and leave himself.

He still had his arm, but it's almost as if migi was never there.

Now, his arm is just a tool his brain sends signals to.

He felt a faint pang in his heart.

Under the covers, he moved his fist, so it was placed over his rising and falling chest.

He carefully listened to the steady beats of his heart, the heart that migi repaired, and felt an uncomfortable lump in his throat grow.

He had lost so many people to the same specie as migi.

So many god damn innocent people, that cared. That truly, truly cared.

His mother....

He felt a guilt that had long set in his bones, but still not enough in his opinion.

He just wanted to cry.

He would beg. Just for the sweet release of crying.

The well known sensation of his nose pinching, and his eyes blurring...

It would almost be comforting at this point, to painfully sob.

But instead, all these emotions were numbed. They were still there enough to graze the way they controlled his dumb, human brain, but not enough to really grip it tight... Tight enough to even just resemble his past experiences with emotions!

He felt like everything surrounding him was slowly eating him alive.

He could almost imagine the guilt and grief he should of felt at kanas death.

Almost.

He couldn't even bring himself to cry at the fucking funeral.

He felt his fist tighten into a firm ball of fingers.

Frustration, he finally figured out.

He tried to feel it deeper, tried to hopelessly grasp at the things he felt.

Murano crossed his mind, and he started to squeeze his eyes shut.

How could he be so selfish.

What about his father too?!? Or his friends?!?

He was lying lazily in bed, trying to force a couple tears like a wimp, whilst murano is out there so confused about everything that has been happening in the past few months.

Every single organism out there, and all he was thinking of was himself...

Everybody out there is confused and scared, parasytes are still out there, and some haven't fully learnt to blend in.

Parents are out there, scared for their children, and the next generation is being born into a world were they have to greet each other by checking to see if the other is a monster.

No... not monsters....

Parasytes might of caused major death and sorrow, but they are our neighbors, and they deserve respect.

And also, migi saved his life, so he should be grateful that he isnt devoid of life and 6 ft under ground.

Staring up at his ceiling, he smiled a wonky crooked smile as a lonely tear streamed down his face.

But he wasn't crying out of self pity. No. He was crying for everyone around him.

For murano.

For his dad.

For his mum.

For his friends, and every other lost souls out there.

With a shaky sigh, he softly wiped his eyes and felt the salty tears as they soothingly fell.

In silence, he made a vow to show the people that were still here that he cares and that he would protect them.

(726 words)