Dirty Little Secret (Statehouse Super Heroes/Villains AU Book One)

Chapter 3: I Don't Bargain Pumpkin Fucker

A/n: "quotations and italicized" Text means that it's a voice over. For the next season it's a reenactment from Deadpool 2 so credit to that movie. This is literally just Florida's intro
Tw: gore and violence

Florida is sitting in a lawn chair on top of a building in Hong Kong while X Gon' Give It to Ya by DMX is playing on his Bluetooth speaker.

"I've gone international, taking out mass murderers, gangsters, unspeakable monsters. People nobody would touch. Except me. I'm gonna touch them all over."

There is a group of people that Florida is being paid to kill in a bar on a lower level of the building beside the one he's on. He grabs his phone and calls the leader of the group that he's supposed to kill. "Hey, it's Gail calling. Love the shiny suit. Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes."

"唔理佢哋付給你幾多錢，我都加倍" The man says which translates to 'Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it.' But Florida doesn't know what it means.

"I don't speak Cantonese, Mister…" Florida looks at a business card with some cantonese written on it. "Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so, ¿Donde está la biblioteca? Which literally translates to, I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker."

Florida throws his phone behind him. He leaps off the building and through the window of another building, kicking the man he was on the phone with. A number of men at a nearby table get up and point their guns at Florida. "Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's. I am so sorry. I thought this was an anal bleaching party."

The men all shoot him. Florida jumps over the counter of the bar. He appears dead for a moment and the bartender begins to move. She jumps when he sits up, and he shushes her. "You're not going to die," He takes her cigarette from her and puts it out. "But these will kill you. Hit it, Dolly."

9 to 5 by Dolly Parton begins playing. Florida jumps back over the counter and grabs his gun. One of the men cocks his pistol. Florida pulls out his katana and the man starts shooting at him. He ducks under the bullets then hits the gun out of the man's hand before slicing his head off.

He stabs another guy in the throat. Florida then shoots four other men. Two guys start firing at him, he kicks one of them then shoots the other in the knee. He puts his gun in one man's mouth. "I'm merely a vessel for the Lord." He says with a laugh then pulls the trigger then he shoots another guy.

He pulls out his other katana and slits two guys' throats. Florida hooks his katana by the trigger guard and pulls it out of his hand then shoots the guy with it along with two other men. He flips his sword and stabs the guy behind him. Florida chops the hands of  one of the guys off, "Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals!" When the man falls onto the table he stabs him in the head.

Florida looks forward as if there is a camera there, "Well that didn't take as long as I expected it to. Anyways if you haven't caught on to this  whole thing, I'm a mercenary. I kill people for money."

"Now I know what you're thinking, 'Florida, why are you a mercenary?' Well ya see the whole hero thing didn't pay very much. So now I kill bad guys for money. I'm not a good guy but I'm not a bad guy either, or at least I don't think I am."