Life

V

Why can't I do a simple thing right?

I want to stop everything that makes people I know hurt themself.

But what if it's me?

What if I am the one casuing people to harm themself?

Three people I know harm themself.

What if it's all my fault?

Why didn't I see all of the signs?

What if am I a bad sibling, bad friend?

I want to stop everything that makes people I know hurt themself.

But it is me.

I am causing these people to hate life.

I didn't see the signs before.

I could have stopped them if I wasn't this oblivious or self - centered.

I am a bad sibling, bad friend, bad person to have in anyone's life.

Shall I end their suffering?

I will end it.

Once and forever.

The razor ripped my skin, and out came the red life giving liquid.

I continued until I had 10 cuts on each hand.

Finally the last cut I will ever do.

Ending it once and for - all.

'Babe, where are you?'I jump at hearing, my boyfriend call me, and drop the red painted razor on the floor, making him aware of where I am.

'Babe, what are you do...' He trails of seeing me in a pool of blood, my own blood.

'Oh hey, love. I am just gonna clean this up, wait for me outside please.' I say casually, like he hadn't just seen me about to sucide.

'Babe, why are you doing this?' He asks, silent tears running down his face.

'Oh I am not doing anything, I just need to get cleaned up and then...'

'Stop. Please stop.' He cries, 'Is it cause of me? Am I casuing you to do this?' He sobs, unable to control them any longer.

'No, love, it's nothing to do with you. Don't worry.' I try to console him.

'Babe, how am supposed not worry when I just saw the love of my life trying to end themselves?'

'Love, its just...I ...' I try to find an excuse.

'Don't make up an excuse. For me.' He see's right through me.

'Fine, but it's a long story.'

'I have all the time in the world, babe. For you.'

'Okay, its just that everything is just so overwhelming and everything is my fault...'

I tell the whole story, he listens not once caring what time it is, or picking up any phonecalls.

He makes me realise, I am not alone, he always will have my back. He loves me as much as I love him.

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[Word Count - 473]