Life as a cutter

1 year before becoming a cutter. Chapter 1

On the day of Tuesday,march 18,2014My cousin Marcus past away.I found out 2 days later that my cousin past away,i was heart broken because i considered him my brother.Me and Marcus hung out a lot,him and his girlfriend Heather and their son Nathan live with me and my brother and my mom for a while.And on top of that i had school i couldn't stop crying in class and my teacher came over to me and said "Tyler what's wrong" my teacher said,I said to her "I'm fine mrs Wright" even know i knew it was not ok.I was depressed for days i would cry my self to sleep every night,i would wake up every morning crying 24/7 i couldn't stop thinking about him.I wouldn't talk to anyone for days,every one kept asking me what was wrong and i gave the same awnser every time "i'm ok" i said every time.Every day when i got off the bus i would come inside and pick up my knife and clean it,and then i would cut one line at the bottom off my leg and one by one the built up till the reached the top of my leg from side to side.Then i would do it all over but this time up and down,and when i was done that leg i did my other leg.The next day i couldn't stop first my legs then my arms,my side,then my stomach.Then as soon i knew i couldn't stop even when i knew i was hurting my self,it felt like it just took my mind of of the world i did it when i was angry,sad and i was sad all the time so i was cutting all the time.Then on the day of Tuesday,march 25,2014 at 11:00an was Marcus service.That morning i woke up and i sat up just thinking about taking my life to be with him.I got out of bed and got in the shower when i got out i put on my black suite and put on my shoes with tears dripping down the side of my face,saying to my self why god why did he have to go he was between 20 and 25 years old i kept saying "i want to die i want to die god" i said.