Chasing Air // Billie Eilish

Chapter 23

ELLIOT'S P.O.V

"Motherfucker," I mumbled as coffee dripped out of the garbage bag onto my shoe. Sometimes people would put too much coffee in the cup and didn't have room for what they needed so they'd pour some of it in the garbage, and then the unfortunate souls—such as myself—that had to take the trash out got coffee spilled on them. I sighed pulling my apron off. I was finally done for the day. I'd been leaning towards taking morning shifts because Billie tended to have less to do in the evening and nobody else wanted to wake up at three in the morning to open. I enjoyed it though. I like being up early in the morning when the sky is still dark. The shop is usually fairly empty until around 5:00 a.m. It's peaceful just sitting there, light music playing as people sit quietly, dazed as they sip their coffee.

-

"Do you believe in fate?" I asked as I put my back up against my door, sitting on the ground. I heard Billie do the same thing in her room. This was how all of our best conversations started.

"What?" She laughed.

"Not like the corny, love-at-first-sight-it-was-meant-to-be kinda fate, but like...you've read some of "The Odyssey", right?"

"Yeah."

"For example, Tiresias told Odysseus exactly what was going to happen to him. It was his fate, right?"

"Sure. When they were in hell or whatever."

"Yeah. And I mean—sure, greek mythology is simply mythology, but you get what I'm saying right?"

"Yeah."

"So, do you think it's an actual thing?" I asked.

"I don't know... I don't think that anybody could tell me exactly how my life is gonna go."

"Maybe not, but do you think that it's all completely planned out—even if nobody can tell you what it is, do you think it exists?

"Let's say it is a thing, hypothetically speaking. Do you think it could be changed?"

I took some time to think about the question and before I could even respond, she was talking again. "My thing is: who would be keeping track of our fates?"

"I suppose it depends on what you believe in."

"What do you believe in, Elliot?"

I bit my lip as I thought of how to respond. I didn't know. "I'm not a very credulous person, Billie. I like evidence. I like facts—and to be blunt, God is not a fact. There is no proof that he exists. You have to have faith and I don't want to get too into my beliefs right now, but I can't just have faith. That doesn't work for me. For instance, you asked if I think it could be changed. I don't and that's simply because fate is defined as the development of events beyond a person's control. That's enough for me to say that it can't be changed. It's beyond a person's control—which is quite possibly one of the dumbest things about me. I have a very simple-minded and stupid thought process." She laughed and it brought a smile to my face. I knew I sounded ridiculous.

"No, you don't. I like the way you think. It's interesting to listen to you talk about things like this. What even made you ask that?"