Letters to the Dead

3| To Santa

Dear Santa,

It's Christmas.

A day that was once filled with happiness, memories and a full house is now a day with somberness, nostalgia, and an empty house with two empty souls.

I wanted to be happy, but that was hard as I stared at the Christmas tree that only had two presents beneath it. Sitting in front of the tree and opening the single present that mom had gotten me, I tried not to stare at the closet that was filled with presents that would never be opened.

Mom tried to keep positive by inviting friends over for dinner, but I know deep down she was just trying to fill the empty seats at the table. Which was okay.

It felt somewhat better to have people sitting down, talking, eating, and laughing. Filling the house with the happiness that it hasn't had since the accident.

As the guests left one by one, the house once again became quiet. Mom and I found ourselves sitting outside with the fire pit crackling, looking at the large archive of things she had stored since she and dad got married and started their lives together. It was full of photos, trinkets, and other memorabilia that left a bittersweet taste in my mouth.

Looking at the pictures of my siblings and me brought a feeling of sadness I didn't even know was possible. It hurt—even more— to look at the photos of us in front of the tree and sitting on your lap. Happiness shone brightly in our eyes as we told you what we wanted you to bring us for Christmas.

I strangely remember what I asked for that year A shiny pink bicycle so I could go riding with my now-dead friends in our neighborhood.

I got the bike...but crashed it into a tree and dented it six months later. I got a scar on my forehead from it.

As I sat there, with my mom, trying to hold tears back, I wished more than anything that I could go back to that time. Everyone was still alive, things were as perfect as they could possibly be in a 6-year-olds life.

Is it too late to ask you for something?

For a belated Christmas present can I have my family back? I don't want anyone else—just my sisters, brother, and dad.

I miss them so much.

Merry Christmas,

Adeline