My Life In My Eyes

Confusion

As I gaze upon the pearly white ceiling, I notice that something is different; I am not in my car anymore. Where am I?

I try to turn my head to the right, but the weight of my body cannot fully support my head tilting. I feel pinned down on something... a surface... a bed! I daze in confusion. I don't remember lying down anywhere; all I last remembered was when my mother and I were driving down the highway (apparently driving back "home"), and then my mother stopped the breaks as the other cars like ours were driving full speed. Plus, something wasn't right about my mother that day.

"Well, it looks like Alexa may suffer from a slight single fracture in her arm. However, it won't be long until she will be healthy and will be able to move her arm again."

Who is that? I forcefully try to move my head from left to right, trying to get a good view of where exactly am I.

"Mhmmm." I hear my mother reply. My mother! She's here too? I finally force a lift in my head, and I am able to see a black monitor displaying my heart beats. The hospital! Thank God I didn't die.

But right when I make more sudden movements, the doctor jolts to my pale blue hospital bed.

"Alexa, are you alright?" the doctor asked me. I feel fine, just stiff. I slowly open my mouth to answer, but it is so swollen that I am not able to maneuver my mouth in order to speak.

"Oops, sorry there! I forgot that from the car crash, you might experience some swelling throughout the body. But no worries. They'll be gone within a few days." the doctor explains.

Then I remember that my mother is here too since I heard her answering to the doctor wearily. Is she alright too?

I try to form words in my mouth.
"My... my mom" I speak unclearly, but clearly enough so that the doctor can understand. He nods, and begins to respond.

"Well, we have tested your mother's blood, and it turns out that she was drinking and driving. This is a serious case that could lead to major consequences. I'm not sure how much she's charged for yet, but until then, she'll be staying in the hospital with us for a few days."

WHAT and driving? My mom was WHAT? Drinking? This must explain why she acted completely wacko on the way driving home. I've never seen her drink (at least in front of me) before. All these thoughts are running through my head; logic or not. I cannot stop thinking especially about the fact that my own mother was drinking and driving. Then I all of a sudden say-

"-my mom... is...ok?" I ask urgently.

He just looks at me as if he pities me and is trying to console me of what news he's about to say.

"Your mother is now suffering with a rib fracture, as well as an arm fracture like yours. It would take a total of 4 weeks for her to completely heal her rib cage." he gave an explanation of.

Great. What's going to happen to me now? How am I going to take care of myself? How am I supposed to go places? What if mom goes to jail? What if I never see her again? I feel tears forming in my eyes, ready to blossom down onto my cheeks like a flowing river. I try to close my eyes to fight back the raging tears that are forcefully trying to expose themselves. I cannot fight anymore. I let the tears roll down all the way to the end of my chin, where some droplets fall onto my hospital gown. I can't do this.

I hear the doctor quickly searching for some tissues nearby, and comes back with a small lavender printed tissue box for me to use. I slowly dab my eyes so the tears would be gone. Even though they are gone now, my eyes are puffed up and red, just like my mouth now. It's hard to breathe right now. I cannot imagine life without the support of my mother, I cannot handle her leaving me.

I loosen all my muscles and just try to calm down. I try to heavily breathe in and out, remembering how I did the same before my mother picked me up from school, how the vapor from my breathe evaporated into the air. If only I could just evaporate into the air too.