TordTom One shots

Farewell for now

Takes place in the future at tords red army base

TW- suicide, alcohol, sad.

In no way do I think suicide is ok or a good option. This is simply a rant writing as I've been going through a very very hard time.  If anyone ever feels compelled to suicide, please get help from the national suicide prevention  hotline, friends,  or family. I'm also available to talk to if you ever need.  I promise it will get better,  life will work out in the end.  There are other ways to get through things over taking your own life.  So please,  don't.  Stay alive,  you are so much more important than you will ever realize. And so much more loved than you think. 

National suicide prevention hotline-    800-273-8255

Never feel embarrassed to talk to someone.  You are not pathetic,  nor are you bothering them.  If you need to talk find someone you trust talking to. If you do need to talk but don't have anyone you feel you can talk to,  I'm always available and happy to help!  Weather that be talking it out,  or letting you rant. I'll be here for you.  

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-Toms POV-

I was so cold.  I just wanted to sleep,  but I couldn't.  Something was keeping me up.  I didn't know why.  It all seemed blurry. Stray bottles were surrounding me.  Somewhere a small child was shouting.

 The door slammed.  

Now it was quiet.

Then it was black. 

When i opened my eyes again there were people in light blue and white surrounding me.  It wasn't as blurry now.  

I could tell I was laying on a bed,  the thin sheets pressing against my back.  I could taste the alcohol lingering on my tounge. That's right. 

All that alcohol.

Hopefully it was enough. 

 "P- please stop... i.. I don't need help, " I stutter out in a slurred voice as they hooked up various things to me. I figured I must be in the medical hall

"Sir, if we don't do something you will die, " a female voice calmly said. 

"I know... just please..  please tell tord and leave me be.. I don't want help, " I whimper quietly. The whole aura in the room dropped as they stopped moving around,  just staring at me. 

"Please sir... let us help you.." one said gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. I roughly shoved it off of me. 

"I said to go get Tord!" I shout aggressively. They nodded,  one running out to find said man. 

He walked in the room minutes later,  looking panicked.  After ushering the nurses and doctors out of the room he came over to me with a sad look.  How I wish he would smile at me again.  

"Tom... they.. they said you only had a little bit left to live... what.. what happened?" He asked,  coming over to me.  

"Just... just a little too much alcahol... but it's ok," I weakly said. 

"Alcahol? But they can fix that!" He perked. 

"No, Tord.... I know my limits.. I know how much is too much to drink... I choose to... I'm... I'm ready to go..." I sadly explained. 

"Tom... why? Why would you do this? " he said in shock.  His eyes were wide.  I could tell he was confused and sad.  

"I.. I don't have anything left.  You were all I had... but your with Neo now.. our son didnt even rember me... it's too hard... it's all too much..."

"I'm with neo because you... you cheated... our relationship was strained even before you kissed him... I couldn't keep doing it... and I couldn't bear to see you every day either... but you don't have to take your life for this!  Please tom!"

"I'm sorry I kissed him.  I'm sorry for everything.... I regret it all.  I wish I'd never had done all the things I did... but you have Neo now... I hope he makes you happy.  I hope he's a good father to our son..." I kindly offered. "C-can you get him... I want to say good bye to my little boy..." I sadly asked. He nodded and radioed someone.  Not long after a crying golden haired boy came rushing in the room,  tears filled his hetrochromatic brown and amber eyes. I smiled as he jumped onto my bed,  hugging me.

"Mr.Tom, I saw you passed out... it scared me... they... they told me you weren't ok... are.. are you ok now? " the little 8 year old asked.  He had just found out I was his biological father a couple weeks ago... but he still called me Mr.Tom. that was ok. I liked it. Weakly I hugged him back,  running my fingers through his wild hair.  I loved him more than anything.  

"Im... I'm not ok... but I will be.  Damien... after today you won't see me again for a long long time... but I love you so much.  I'm so sorry I had to miss you growing up, " I say on the verge of tears.  "But don't cry for me... I... I have something for you, " I softly say. He sat up ever so slightly,  curiously looking down at me.  

With a smile I reached into my hoodie pocket,  pulling out a small stuffed bear. I anyways kept it with me.  "This.. this is Tomee bear. He is really nice and comforting. Can you take care of him for me? " I ask,  handing him the stuffed animal.  He took it,  looking it over and running his thumb over the worn yet soft fur. It made me happy to see.  I was going to miss Damien so much.

" I'll make sure he stays safe, " he reassured me as Tord watched us from the corner. I gently kissed my little boys forehead,  hugging him close again.  "I love you so so much, " I gently say before looking over at Tord. 

"Why don't you go show Tomee bear around the base? " Tord suggested after clearing his throat. " I'm sure he'd love to see your room! " Damien took the hint and nodded,  hugging me as tight as he could before letting go.  "Goodbye daddy," he gently said.  I smiled brightly,  feeling quite happy that he acknowledged me as his father. I smiled and waved as he left.  

Tord walked back over to me as the door closed.  "T-thank you, " I stutter weakly.  "I can feel my body shutting down... I don't think I have much longer... I didn't want him to be here when..." I gently explain, fading out at the end.  He just nodded. I could tell he was trying not to cry, though, so was I. 

"Tord... before I go... can you please hold me one last time? Just until I-" I ask shyly. I couldn't bring myself to actually say the word.  He nodded, climbing into the bed and pulling me into him,  wrapping his robotic arms around me.  I sighed and relaxed, enjoying the old familiar comfort.  

"I'm sorry for everything I put you through Tord, but thank you for everything you gave me.. even if it didn't work out in the end,  at least I had a taste of life with you.... though I'm glad you found someone else... someone better for you, " I choke out weakly,  tears streaming down my face. It was getting harder and harder to breath.  I was shaking,  I knew it.  There was silence for a moment before I heard a sob escape my exes mouth.  

"I'll miss you... I should have been more patient... I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry... please let me save you, " he pleaded, his tears falling into my hair. I reached up a shaky hand and gently wiped them away. 

"Don't be sorry for me.  I forgive you... Tord, I still love you so much..."

"I don't want to have to say goodbye"

"Then don't think of it as goodbye... just.... farewell f-for... farewell for n-now," I say,  my voice growing more and more faint as the alcohol started to finish its job. 

"Thomas, I love you too," he cried. I couldn't bring myself to say anything.  My mouth wouldn't work. I was just so tired. It started to become confusing again.  I'd just rest for a little bit- just... just a little bit. 

-Tords POV-

His small body fell limp in my arms as that awful flat line rang, percing through the air.  Sobs racked my body as I clutched onto his.

"F-farwell for now. "