Skinny Love-Phan

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall.

It was the tenth time that Phil got up that night. He shuffled down the hallway to Dan's room and opened the door. Dan was sitting at his desk staring at the Manchester lights. At the sound of footsteps behind him, Dan turned around.

"I'm fine, Phil."

Phil hazily sat down on the edge of Dan's bed.

"I don't believe you for one second," Phil whispered tiredly. "Let me see your arms."

Dan numbly held his arms out for examination for the tenth time that night. He watched as his ebony-haired friend inspected his arms thoroughly.

"See?" asked Dan, annoyed. "I'm fine. You don't have to keep checking on me every half hour. Go to sleep and stay asleep this time."

"Dan..." whispered Phil sadly. 

The brown-haired boy raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "What?"

"You know that I can't do that. I don't know what I'd do if I stayed asleep, woke up tomorrow morning, and..." Phil trailed off. He got a glazed look in his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"And what? Found me dead?" Dan questioned coldly.

Phil responded by looking at the floor, trying not to look at Dan and imagine him dead.

Dan reached out his hand and put it on Phil's knee. "That won't happen."

The older one lifted his gaze and set it on Dan's beautiful chestnut eyes. "I wish I could believe you, but you're suicidal. You almost..." Phil choked out. "You almost died. I-I found you on the floor with blood flowing out of your arms and I thought that-"

"The doctors had me on suicide watch for three days."

Phil hung his head in his hands, his bloodshot eyes closed. "Shut up, Dan."

Dan, taken aback at Phil's sudden anger, took a moment before replying, "What?"

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer...

"Do you think it's fair for you to tell me that you're fine when I found you bleeding out on your floor? Or  when I paced around that ugly waiting room for two hours just hoping to hear that they stabilized you?! Do you think it's fair for you to tell me that you're fine when I can't do anything without wondering if you took your antidepressants or if I go to take a shower or eat and being scared out of my mind that you're trying to end your life?! Or when I don't even sleep at all because I'm counting down the minutes until I check on you again, just making sure that your blood stays in you and that your heart keeps pounding and that you keep breathing?!! Do you think it's fair to tell me that you're fine when I still have your suicide note from when I found you?!! The note that says 'You couldn't have done anything to save me, so don't feel guilty for this'?!!!! Dan, I'm not letting you die any time soon. I'm doing everything I can to make sure that I'm not going to find you dead, alright?!!!!!!"

Dan looked into Dan's blue bloodshot eyes and could see the true exasperation. It was then that he realised how much he was truly hurting his best friend.

"Phil...we could sleep in my bed tonight."

"Promise that you won't hurt yourself?"

Dan smiled bitterly. He wasn't one to make promises that he wasn't sure if he could keep, but he nodded to put Phil at ease. Dan shut off the lights and dropped down next to Phil. They were spooning. Phil grabbed both of Dan's arms and brought them to his face, tracing over the thin white and pink scars that littered Dan's wrists.

Phil fell asleep after Dan did.

Just to make sure that he was safe.

For the first time in two days, Phil let the heaviness of his eyelids win as he held Dan's arms safely in his hands.

In the morning I'll be with you, but it will be a different kind.