Desired Yet Hated | Han Seojun X Lee Suho Oneshots [Complete]

P A N I C

Walking inside the locker room, Suho threw down his bag on the floor. The booming thoughts in his head, the crying voice inside of him. He knew what was going on. His panic attack was coming.

He held his chest, trying to breathe. He remembered everything that was said to him before.

"I never wanted to kill your friend, it wasn't my fault!"

"You don't know anything. Just leave," Suho spoke, a firm tone to his voice.

"Se Yeon died out of his free will. Why are you blaming me?!"

"Leave!"

"Stop hating me! There's no point to it!"

The entire scene replayed in his mind, over and over again. He wished so badly that he hadn't even spoken to his father, because he knew what it always did to him. 

His chest was heaving, and his tears were flowing. The pain in his heart was almost too much. His body fell down the locker. He couldn't breathe.

His wails were getting louder and louder by the second. He knew of nothing that would calm him down, not being able to help himself in the situation at all. The only thing he could do was sit there and wait for someone to find him. 

"H-Help..." He muttered, it really only sounded like a strained breath. 

The door opened, revealing Han Seojun. Suho reached out his hand, quickly grabbing the attention of the other. Seojun walked down, reaching the other boy quickly. Sitting down next to him, the clear emotion of worry on his face.

"Did your dad yell at you again?" He asked, offering his hand to hold, which Suho quickly grabbed.

Suho nodded, hitting his chest while trying to get his heart to calm down. He sobbed and wailed, trying to get himself back to normal. Sadly, this happened often. The panic attacks. Sometimes they happened out of the blue, with no cause, and then other times, they happened with a very clear stimulation.

"Who are you?" Seojun asked, trying to get him back to reality.

"L-Lee... S-Suho..." He struggled through his chest caving in.

"Yes, Yes you are. Now, how old are you?"

"E-Eighteen," He spoke through sobs.

"What are three things you can feel right now?"

"Y-Your hand... My jacket... And my jeans..." He spoke slowly, starting to gradually come back.

"Good. Now, what are two things you can see?"

"You, a-and my bag."

"You're doing great, just keep going. What's one thing you can smell?"

"The rain."

Suho's breathing had calmed down almost entirely, and his tears stopped drastically flowing. Still holding tightly onto Seojun's hand, Suho leaned on his shoulder. Seojun took his other hand and placed it gently on the boy's head. Suho cried quietly, his head being softly stroked by the boy next to him.

"You're okay," Seojun spoke, looking towards the boy and kissing his forehead gently, "You're scared, and I'm right here to stop that feeling."

Suho closed his eyes, melting into the boy's arms. For the first time, he felt loved. Ever since Seyeon had passed away, he had never felt the love he used to. Even back to the time when his mother passed as well, he hadn't received love like this in... eons.

"I'm so tired," Suho spoke, still on the ground with Seojun holding him.

Seojun didn't speak, he only kissed him softly and held him with the gentlest grasp. Suho accepted the kiss, feeling a great warmth in his heart. Suho wrapped his arms around his neck, letting a single last tear slip down his face. 

He had finally felt happy. For the first time in so many years.