Desired Yet Hated | Han Seojun X Lee Suho Oneshots [Complete]

D R O W N I N G

Suho walked inside the empty school building, nearly unable to breathe after having flashbacks to the day Se Yeon died. Seeing the bloody hand fall with the matching key bracelets, the image he couldn't get out of his head. Tears fell, but sobs would emit from his mouth. A silent panic attack. A cry for help that couldn't be heard.

The sounds of the songs from outside were somewhat muted by the many walls between him and the party. 

He regretted running inside.

He tried to move, but his legs were frozen. The next stage of his silent panic attacks. Every fracture of his body became a block of ice that wouldn't dare break. So he stood there, in an empty classroom, leaning against a desk. Completely frozen.

The only part of him he could move was his head. Looking around frantically, his breath became shallow and short, tears forming quickly in his eyes and streaming down his face. He couldn't move at all, anxiety slowly eating him away. The crushing feeling in his stomach, the aching in his heart, and the flashbacks torturing his brain. 

His vision blurred slightly, and soon, his ability to talk was gone.

He tried to speak, only a slight gasp for air coming from his mouth. His eyes darted around the room, as he tried to talk but failed each time. Although he had thought he would be fine, he was mistaken. He should've remained at the party. 

Trying to talk for the last time, he could only mouth the word "help." 

The feeling of being alone in a panic attack, he had felt before, but it had never stopped being so horrific. Tears could only fall, and he could only wait it out. The flashbacks wouldn't stop flying around his brain like it was their playhouse. He looked down at the ground, his breath hitching and breaking. 

The world was spinning. Or at least, in his eyes it was.

"Lee Suho."

Hearing the voice, Suho tried to move but couldn't. He tried to talk, his attempt making it sound like he had become mute. Only a couple of small strained noises came from his mouth.

He knew it was Han Seojun. He knew from the voice immediately. At this point, he didn't care who saw him this way. He needed help. Immediately. Looking up slowly, he was met with the eyes of Seojun. Immediately, he noticed the growing worry in the other's face. Suho tried to talk again, crying harder with another failed attempt.

"What's going on?" Seojun asked, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder. Suho cried harder, begging his voice to let him speak. It almost sounded like he was choking.

Trying to speak one last time, "Panic-"

His voice was so quiet and strained that it was hard to make out what he said. But, Seojun had heard very clearly. Although Suho couldn't finish his sentence, Seojun knew what was going on.

Seojun picked up the boy's arms, moving them and stretching them gently to try and get Suho his feeling back, "Focus on your arms."

Suho tried his best to focus all his energy on his hands and arms, slowly feeling it coming back. Looking at Seojun and sobbing while they made direct eye contact. Seojun's heart stung at the sight. He had always blamed Suho for Se Yeon's death, but overhearing the conversation between his father and him, he felt terrible.

Suho began to be able to move his arms very slowly. Seojun noticed the small movements, nodding and rubbing the boy's shoulder gently.

"I'm here. I'm right here," He said, looking directly at the boy in front of him. He was still crying, trying to talk.

"Just like we did with your arms. Focus on your voice," He said, holding his shoulders. Suho sniffed hard and nodded. Seojun watched him try his best to talk.

They looked into each other's eyes. Suho sighed when he felt his throat unclog, and he swallowed. Looking back up at Seojun, he slowly parted his lips.

"S-Seojun..." As soon as he heard his own voice, he slightly smiled.

"You're okay. Can you feel your legs?" He asked, putting a hand on the back of his head.

"I... I think so," His voice was quiet and weak, but he was relieved that he could talk. Seojun sighed out of relief, stroking the back of the boy's head.

Suho let out a cry as he brought the boy into a tight hug. Seojun's eyes widened, the initial shock soon receding when he remembered that Suho wasn't to blame.

"The flashbacks-"

"You don't have to say it. It's okay."

Suho sighed into the hug, feeling the gentle hands of Seojun on his back. He missed this feeling. 

"I miss him," Suho shouted and cried, nearly choking from his own sobs.

Seojun winced internally from the pain in the boy's voice. He had clearly been holding it all in for so long. He had finally let it out.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," Seojun whispered, starting to cry himself.

Suho choked on his sobs on Seojun's shoulder, accepting that he needed Seojun in his life again. He needed them to be friends again. To feel something. To feel better.

"I'm right here."