I slid on my boots and my stiff muscles relaxed as the cool, worn leather slid over my soft, bare feet. The stairs of my house creaked slowly as i slid slowly across them like a church mouse. I made a silent prayer to what ever was above me that no one would wake and notice my leaving.
I needed an escape.
The sun began to peak its way over the horizon as i walked slowley down the dirt path in the direction of the nearby lake.The lake I was searching for was beautiful but I knew the underlying presence of mystery and secrecy.
The wind whipped violently through my uncut hair as I grew closer to the water and the emotions that i had bottled up slowly began to leak out. My emotions flowed freely my heart began to take over my mind. I tried to think of anything but what had happened the night before but it seamed impossible to do.
The path took a sharp turn and the water of the lake stretched across my view as far as my eyes could see. The vast field of white caps blurred with my tears. I felt my feet hit the ground and the thud it made was ampliphied in my ears. The intensity of every emotion had tripled and i couldnt take the stress of it anymore.
A tear betrayed my hard exterior and trickled down my face. The long dock stretched out in front of me like a battlefield awaiting a fight.The walk to the end stretched out for hours in my mind whereas in reality it was only a matter on seconds.
As the sun rose on the lake, i reached the edge of the dock and i sat down. The apple-juice sunrise cast red onto the contours of my face and my closed eyes felt the warmth of a new day begin. But the birth of newness brought down the depression of released memories onto my head.
The little control I had left disappeared and the emotions i had stored exploded, piercing my head with their unwanted ferocity.
Another tear left my eyes and i soon broke down into a fury of tears.
He had crushed my heart.
But he really hadn't.
Everything was my fault.
I knew this way would be better in the end but i couldn't accept that fact.
All because of him.
**Flashback**
"Cameron!" yelled a familiar voice and my shoulders sank as i heard the name. I couldn't deal with him now. The same hands wrapped aound my waist and those lips kissed me on my head.
I turned around and stared up at my boyfriend of six months, Conner. We had meet counseling at an overnight camp and we had been dating ever since. I really liked him but something had never felt exactly right to me. I shoved this thought to the back of my already overflowing mind. i slippped my hand into his icy one and shivered as my warmth slipped slowly away.
"Hi hun" he smiled down at me. I mustered up an unhappy smile and tried to convince him that i was happy. My BSing skills were top notch as always and my smile decieved him. My eyes had told the real stroy. My eyes were pools of sadness but since Conner hated the water he never ventered too deep.
Sean,the boy who had been there since the beginning ran by and waved at me. The joy came back to my eyes and Conner seemed to take notice. He shrugged it off but pulled me tighter.
My mind told me to love Conner but my body didn't listen. I still wanted to push him off and run away. His touch made my skin crawl. He wasn't the one I wanted and he wasn't the one I needed. My heart was still so confused.
Conner reached around to take my other hand delicatly and I stared down at our entwined appendages still slightly dazed and unaware. The silence rested down on our shoulders and I basked in its darkness, it comforted me.
