Devil To My Angel

And Suddenly All Love Songs Were About You...

It was nearly the end of February when I was forced to move to New York permanently. Surprisingly, this time we didn't drift apart as we did before. We fought and made long-distance work. We FaceTimed till 3 Am dancing to songs and just sitting with each others' presence without needing the use of words. Little by little I realized major changes in her personality. I couldn't do anything about it and I chose to accept her once again as I did before. Maybe long-distance wasn't that bad after all. I had posted an Instagram story in which my followers were to write a paragraph about me, and this was hers...

Danielle: You're name makes me smile. Thinking my life without you makes me so sad that you cannot even imagine. I miss you so much right now and I just wanna meet you and hug you. I went through so many things with you. You are the most beautiful girl I know in my life, you are caring, kind, and gorgeous. You know how much you mean to me....

As weeks passed I felt myself catching feelings for her, the new Danielle. I couldn't help fall for her. There was no way I would have fallen for the devil, like I absolutely couldn't and this had to end soon. I was constantly terrified of her finding out yet I couldn't help getting butterflies every time we talked. Every few weeks once I would get the urge to tell her how much I wanted her, but I knew I couldn't. I recall a conversation with her that still gives me butterflies today.
...
Danielle: You protect me so I protect you.
Danielle: *Send picture
Stella: u ugly monkey 😂
Danielle: Remember when you said you didn't wanna share me with anybody?
Stella: Mhm
Danielle: Well I don't wanna share you with anyone either 😂😍
...

Day by day, it was becoming more and more challenging for me to hide how I was feeling. I kept having to distance myself from her. Meanwhile, she was going under the nasty influence of her newer friends and she changed, even more, every single day. We started fighting and arguing a lot. We took long breaks every single time we had an argument. I wish it weren't like that but if it hadn't happened I know I would've ruined our friendship by telling her that I loved her.

Those breaks hurt us both. It caused her to change even more. It made her grow cold of me, to the point were me being and not being wouldn't make a difference for her. Knowing that she doesn't care about me anymore breaks my heart, but "Así es la vida". I was in full denial that I loved her when I was asked. I couldn't do anything but watch her live her life happily with her new so called friends.

Deep down I knew I had feelings for her, but there's a difference between knowing things and saying them out loud. Once you say it out loud it's real regardless of it being real inside you.