The Big Secret!

Mourning

I grabbed a few beers and went to where my room was, and shut the door and sat on my bed. I cracked open my beer, and downed it. I downed one after another. Hosea knocked on the door and said. "I know you're a mess, but if you want to talk about it. I'm here. So is everyone else. We all need you." I opened the door and let him in. "I failed, Hosea. I failed." "I know that's how you feel and it's how I felt when Bessie died. It's gonna take awhile for you to cope." "He wasn't even with us for a goddamn week." Hosea took my hand and looked me in the eyes. "I know, I know. But I'll make sure nobody else dies. And now we have enough money to leave, and we will leave in a few days." He got up and walked towards the door. "If you ever need anything, let me know." as he left the room. I went and grabbed a box that was full with beer. I went and brought it to my room. I drank another beer before trying to go to sleep, although I don't think any of us did. This continued for a few more days, drinking beers, and looking at the letter that he sent me. I couldn't take the pain anymore, I wanted to die. So, I did the only thing I thought was possible to end the pain. I played Russian Roulette. I put my Revolver up to my temple, and pulled the trigger. Nothing. I did it again. Still nothing. I put it to my head for the third time. Someone was knocking at my door, but I couldn't hear it. Then, Hosea came in the door. He saw me still with the gun to my head. "Dutch...please. Y-You can't do this. You mean so much to me, and the rest of the gang. We can't lose you, Dutch. I-I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." He was tearing up and I was tearing up. "I-I know, Hosea, I know. But I can't get rid of this goddamn pain. It hurts, it gets to be so unbearable." "I know it does. I know. It hurts like hell. There isn't a second when I don't think about Bessie. I miss her every day. But I'm still here." Hosea took my gun. And put his hand on my leg and said. "Please don't do this. I Love you." After he left I broke. I wanted to die so bad, but I knew Hosea would probably do something stupid.