Stories aren't always happy

How it started

Tw: Su1c1de, 3at1ng d1sord3r, abus3, d3ath

This is a page of my 12 year old note book for the record

A

nyways here's the story ❤️

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Being someone who's seen they're mother get beaten by they're father and heard they're mother's screams and crys you would think they're in prison or some shit but no

This person will try they're hardiest for people not to know what happens at home but that was when I was 5 everything will be alright now... right?

It was kinda of normal for a while besides that fact that my father would will drink occasionally,

It was just a normal day at school doing my work hanging out with my friends

Today wasn't so bad it kept my mind away from the thought of what happened on early Christmas morning

My grandmother went to the hospital, I don't know what exactly happened that morning because I wasn't allowed to leave my room and no one told me what happened

It is now currently January 14th and my grandmother is still in the hospital, my day was going quite well to be honest

It was almost the end of the day and well I was chatting with my friend we heard a knock at the door, out of curiosity we look at the door as the teacher opens it and to my surprise I see my mother

My mother came to pick me up from school, I didn't really question it I just packed my stuff up and said my goodbyes to my friends and I went to my locker to grab my bag and with that we headed to the front desk to sign me out

waiting well my mother signs me out of school for the day I hear my mother tell the person at the desk that my grandmother isn't doing good in the hospital which broke my heart

As we walk out of the school I ask her about what I heard "you weren't supposed to hear that" she told me in pacifics

A  hours later we got to the hospital and we walked up to my grandmothers room and the state she was in made me want to cry so badly, as I just stare is disbelief my vision goes slightly blurry and as I blink I feel a warm tear drip down my cheek I quickly wipe it away

I can't remember what happened after sorry.
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Date January 15th between 12-1 pm my grandmother passed away surrounded by family

A lot of tears fell that day, that was the day I felt mental pain

I started missing school from lack off sleep, from lack of interest in life and as the months went on it got worse and worse as the days go on when it came to be my 11th birthday my mother tried her best to make it special for me and it was in a way

Skip to a month later on Canada Day [I'm Canadian shush] as me and my mother were walking back from the shops we seen my other grandmother sitting on the stairs looking as if she was in a daze, we called an ambulance for her and as she left to the hospital we waited for a bus to a park that was gonna host a firework show in honor of the holiday

We didn't really get to go to the park we walk to the hospital and just stayed there

Skip to 3:00am me and my brother get told to go to the hospital room my grandmother was in and we had to watch her pass just like my first grandmother

And let me tell you this they meant the world to me they were very sweet women anyone could ever meet and I loved them dearly

My life went on more and no I'm not gonna talk about the funerals but as I got older and older I felt more and more sad and I have been told I have depression but I didn't know it would effect my life in a bad way

At the age of 12 years old I started trying to end off my own life and not getting therapy or medication to help didn't help it

I've been waiting 4 years to get help when I've been asking for it and I'm still waiting.

What if I'm supposed to die. . .
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My depression isn't caused by greave I'll explain what I feel:

I think everyone hates me
I'll put on a smile for people
Its hard to sleep at night
Its hard to eat without wanting to vomit it back out so I won't eat
I'm scared of people leaving me
I get closer and closer to su1c1d3 every day
I feel anxious at every moment of the day
I hate leaving the house
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That's all I can explain but anyway have a nice day/night

Remember the stars will listen

- The kid in the stars