LOST

six

"No no you're doing it wrong! No! Let a professional show you how it's done look it goes, I'm a savage sassy, moody, nasty, pop. See that pop?"

"Billie I'm doing it exactly as you told me to! You're just a bad teacher." Dani whined. "No, you're a bad learner." I replied crossing my arms childishly.

We were bored and decided to rehearse tik tok dances because why not? 8 knew most of them, but Dani unfortunately doesn't know anything that happened in the past year including the songs. "Bro you struggling with this how are you gonna do the wap?"

"What the flying fuck is a wap?" Dani groaned throwing her arms up.

"uhh worship and praise."

"You guys look stupid as fuck dancing without any music." 8 laughed teasing us and it made me pout. "Hey! We have the spirit and that's what counts." I retorted. "No, you have tyranny. How am I meant to learn under these conditions?" Dani sighed dramatically while taking a sip of her water. I pouted again while 8 laughed more.

"What's Tik Tok?" Anne piped in. It was the first time I've heard her voice in days. Ever since the incident she has refused to acknowledge anyone or participate in anything with us no matter how much we begged. She wasn't even talkative to him, but he didn't seem to care. Hell, it was like he liked the awkward silence!

"It's a social media platform. You can make short videos to songs or just anything really. I thought it was stupid at first until I downloaded it and I got hooked." I explained simply. "Ohh so it's kind of like musical.ly? That used to be my favorite app." She replied again seemingly interested in joining the conversation. "Oh man have we got news for you." 8 joked but Anne never caught onto their sarcasm.

"Dude that app was deleted so long ago, it was replaced with Tik Tok." 8 said sprawling out on the couch. Anne hummed. "I see. Well I don't know much sorry. Last big thing that was going on before I got here was the Hilary vs Trump election. How did that go by the way?" Anne asked with furrowed eyebrows. I cringed not even wanting to answer.

The past couple days has been pretty low compared to the other days I've been here. No action, no drama and honestly I enjoyed how boring it was, at least for now. Conflict is the very last thing I wanted in here.

With Anne, we had to set rules for her because she admitted to us all that night she would try to hurt herself again and obviously it was terrifying. The rules were simple and it was that she had to be with us during the day at all times and she's not allowed to use the restroom directly after dinner. I had found out from 8 that she had an eating disorder and this wasn't the first time she's broken down like this.

I was more than willing to help out any way I could but truthfully I didn't know a lot about the subject. I mean shit, I'm still struggling to accept the fact that this isn't a nightmare or some big cruel joke. It was dumb of me to believe Anne was the most collected one here. How can I miss a fake smile when it was so familiar to me?

Everyone here has their issues, more so since quite literally being held hostage and forced to fuck up their brains. But the longer I'm here, the more I notice how everyone is willing to help one another. Having going through the same fucked up shit I guess it's nice to have someone there.

8 is always cool to talk with because they seem to have a whole lifetime experience at the simple age of 23. They match my vibe and I fuck with it but 8 is just as gloomy and defeated about the situation as I am, or even more. Anne, I considered her as the mother. She makes sure everyone is okay and prepared and clean and always knew what to do. Obviously she was far from emotionally available.

That's why I enjoy Dani's presence. I know she understands the situation as much as anyone here, but overall she remains hopeful. It's such a delicate thing that I can see in her big brown eyes. A passion for freedom and life and it has never left, even after being here all year and given every reason to give up. I wanted that energy so bad but my brain isn't like that. When in a stressful situation that I cannot control my brain automatically becomes pessimistic and it's not nice.