The Fear of Knowing Who You Are

Self-realization

In the darkest moments of my thoughts, I ponder on the inevitability of our being. We are all conditioned by society to feel, think, and act a certain way and hide our identities if it doesn't fit the "norm". I feel this can be troubling to our true nature if we cannot accept who we really are. What if we were to sit down one day and look at ourselves from a third-person point of view? Are we willing to accept and/or come to terms with our way of being? One great example, that I can think of, that relates to the idea of self-realization is American Horror Story; although the series conveys the idea in a sadistic manner that really pulls the audience into the story. 

American Horror Story is one of my favorite series of all time! Each season has its own way of expressing some interesting perspectives about personal struggles and political dilemmas in the most gory and horrifying ways. Hotel is one season I would like to discuss for most of this post; I'm giving you an early warning that there will be spoilers.

One character that I would like to bring up is John Lowe--played by Wes Bentely--who is a hot and steamy homicide detective that I couldn't stop sweating for...don't judge.

He seems like a pretty normal guy who has the ability to find solutions to very complex murder cases. However, to everyone's surprise...again spoiler alert...he realizes that he himself is the serial killer behind these murders! Mind Is Blown!!!!

So how did he get to this point? It took the help of his ghostly friends and lover to reveal his secret room of body parts associated with the Ten Commandments. Although James March--a previous serial killer and architect--started this bloody feat, John was unconsciously finishing his project. This revelation brought a lot of turmoil to Johh, however he had no choice but to stop pushing away and fearing who he really was; the Ten Commandments Killer. When he finally accepted this burden, he became mindfully still.

Now there is something to be said about this rather interesting story. The point behind it all is that at one point in our lives we try to push away the quirks, mistakes, limitations that make us who we are. In a sense, this also makes us unhappy with ourselves and we struggle everyday to push away what we see as "abnormal". Personally, I have struggled trying to eliminate the limitations and flaws that seemed unacceptable by societal standards. But soon you find out that you are fighting for years only to exhaust yourself mentally and that you have no choice but to stop fighting. However, there is a solution to this problem. JUST ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE and don't worry about other's judgments of you. As soon as you can let your guard down, and welcome your true self into your life, there will be no more fighting and your mind will finally be still.