The Fear of Knowing Who You Are

The Anchor Baby Who Could

If I got shanked for every time I heard the statement "your family is the one you're born with" I would be dead...and I would rather be...because that's bull-crap. If we were to get into the semantics of family, then yes, they are your blood relatives. But looking at it from a different perspective, they are supposed to be there to support you, accept you for who you are, raise you to be a professional human being, and provide you with the basic necessities for survival. So in context, the idea of family is not always related to who you're stuck with.

Here's a scenario that I would like to bring up. Like any other migrant family, my parents came to the United States from Colombia for better opportunities. They already had two children that they needed to build a life for; and Colombia, unfortunately, did not provide a safe and stable environment for them. So in order for my parents to set foot permanently on U.S. soil, they needed something super necessary...something that would allow them to claim residency in the United States: AN ANCHOR BABY! THAT'S ME!! Now, not only did this realization took me years to figure out, it also took me years to accept. Let's face it, although I was born out of necessity, they never felt the need to provide emotional support; instead, I was solely born for their benefit. So growing up with a family that never really made me feel like I was accepted was depressing. Heck...my so-called "father" handed me over to be raised by my big sister, even though she's only 3 years older than I am. So on top of feeling rejection and abandonment, I was also dealing with the instability and manipulation of my older sister...who was supposedly now my mother...and, of course, my father was never there to protect me from her wrath.

Luckily, I was not stuck with my family for long. By the time I graduated high school, my sister built her own family and my father passed away...so I said "PEACE" and moved in with another family who wanted to take me under their wing. They knew of my troubling circumstances being that I was not supported in my college endeavors and was never taught to be an adult. Instead, everything I learned came from figuring things out on my own. So because my new family took me in and technically raised me to be independent and successful, I couldn't thank them more. Throughout my path in college, they supported me and ensured my well-being. These are the people I consider family; because, without them, I would have been completely oblivious to living life on my own.

So my point is, you're not stuck with who you're born with. What's great about freedom of choice is that you can decide who gets to be your family. They are the ones closest to you, the ones who support you in your endeavors, and the ones who truly want the best for you. If your relatives are not willing to provide, then become observant of your surroundings. What have others done to become successful and independent? Well, don't be afraid to ask questions or advice from the people around you. Also, if there are others out there willing to help you, don't be afraid to take the offer. Most of all, don't ever allow yourself to feel inadequate or unimportant because it is likely that you are important to someone else out there including yourself. 

Do yourself a favor and write down every single person that loves you; that includes your friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, cats/dogs, and even your contributions to the environment. Somehow you are making an impact to this world because every person is born with a purpose. Once you are finished writing, keep the list somewhere in your home where you will be able to see it every day. The list will help remind you of how important you are; don't forget that.