First & Last [RenMin] ✔

07

It was the middle of the night when Renjun woke again. Despite his attempts and the constant search for a comfortable position, he couldn't seem to bring back that drowsy feeling again; he was more awake than ever. Glancing at the clock, a sigh passes through his lips.

Knowing this is a battle he will most certainly lose, he forces himself out of bed and makes his way to the kitchen where, leaning against the counter, stood Jaemin. How he had bed hair at that moment was beyond Renjun, but it was there and definitely added to his cuteness. He wasn't bad looking, really. In fact, had they been in school, Jaemin would have been the sort of person Renjun couldn't imagine starting a conversation with him. There was an obvious line that separated them. Or, at least in his head there was.

"Coffee run?" It's Jaemin's voice pulling him out of his mind once again.

"Yeah." He walks into the kitchen and grabs a cup, hand instinctively reaching for another before stopping midway. "I was going to ask—" He starts, voice quaking. He can hear as Jaemin walks, stepping past him to stand on the other side of him. He's got this loose smile and a faraway gaze.

"Usually this is when I would," he murmurs softly. A hand reaches out, and Renjun can feel the warmth of the air around his where he would usually be able to feel physical contact. "Six shots of espresso."

He almost chokes on the coffee, a splutter of nonsense as he tries to find his voice. "Six?" He queries in disbelief. Renjun couldn't even take two, so how Jaemin was able to take six was astounding.

He smiles, as if he's used to the surprise. As if he's gotten this reaction so many times before that it no longer fazes him. It makes a guy wonder, really, but of course he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, Jaemin responds. "I have a unique taste," he admits softly. "Not a lot of people could eat or drink the sort of stuff I liked. There was never an in between taste like other people have."

"Sounds interesting."

"I guess."

"But that just means nobody would think twice about stealing your food." He smiles gently. Jaemin's smile matches his.

Quirking a brow, Jaemin watches him closely, considering him for a moment. Renjun doesn't miss the look he gives him; the one where his eyes rake his entire outer appearance as if checking him out, though he's positive that isn't the case in this moment. "Do you usually have coffee runs at this hour?"

He falters for a second before quickly recomposing himself. "Oh, no. Just couldn't sleep again, so I figured there was no harm."

"I can sit up with you until you fall asleep again, if you'd like." Genuine. Jaemin is genuine, Renjun thinks as he looks at him. He sees the way Jaemin looks at him and he considers how easily the words leave his lips. Like he's used to saying something so kind. Without needing to give it a second thought.

With a nod, Renjun turns back to the coffee maker. "Let me make this and I'll take you up on that offer."

"It's a deal," Jaemin responds and he likes how he can hear the grin in his voice.

Whilst making the coffee, Jaemin goes to the couch where he takes a seat. Out of the corner of his eye, Renjun catches him pulling Kyong onto his lap. A surge of jealousy hits him. The sudden need to slap him occurs right after, when he realizes that he was jealous of his cat, out of all things.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you regret it?" Renjun murmurs, staring at the cup in his hands. A small circle still whirls around in the cup from when he stirred it. "Risking your life to save him, I mean."

"No, I don't. I'd probably do it again if I were given another chance."

"What? Why?" Surprise rings clear in the air, shock clear in his body.

"Because," Jaemin starts off and then something shifts in the air. His expression, his voice, everything. It becomes so raw that Renjun feels an ache in his chest. "I didn't do it because I thought he was my soulmate. I did it because I cared for him. Loved him. I didn't want to see him get hurt. He deserved to live"

"So did you!" Renjun's outburst takes them both by surprise. He hadn't intended to say anything; he planned to sit quietly and listen attentively, but something about the way Jaemin spoke so earnestly about this other guy deserving to live struck him a lot harder than he expected it to. He also intends to stop there, but he has a feeling that if he does, Jaemin won't be saying much. Just a question or a comment of surprise which is most definitely the last thing he wants to hear. Which is what encourages him to continue. "You're pretty selfish, risking your life. You considered his life, but you didn't consider yourself." Renjun holds back a scoff. "That can be considered suicide." Because somehow, he has the feeling Jaemin knew he wasn't going to make it before he saved the guy. Which means he saved him, knowing he wouldn't be going home or waking up again. As much as he was saving someone, he was giving up a life of his own. His grip tightens around the cup so much that it's trembling. Coffee spills out of the cup.

"Renjun—"

"You saw him, didn't you?"

A grim look passes his face and the rawness is back in his voice. The pain seeps through like a sword, slow, but excruciating. "He's hurting," he says, voice quivering. "He's hurting and I don't want that. I want him to smile. To live his life. Not to mourn over me." With a whisper he adds on, "I'm not worth it."

But you are, Renjun wants to say. And can you blame him? He wants to ask, but he bites his tongue and assesses the situation. Processes the words for a second before he responds. He doesn't want to respond for the sake of responding, but to respond in a way that shows he's actually given it thought and he understands.

"A little hard," Renjun says finally after what feels like an hour (at least to him.) "He's probably waiting for you." As an afterthought, he murmurs, "If it will help, after I visit a friend tomorrow, we can go to him, okay?"

"Okay." Jaemin hums and then he does a double take, staring at Renjun with wide eyes. Renjun's heart jolts inside his chest while Jaemin doesn't even seem to notice as he goes on. "Does this mean—"

Renjun cuts him off with a single grin. "You'll be coming with me tomorrow."