이름없는 기억

What Worried Her Pretty Little Mind

  Kevin felt Lexi shudder involuntarily as he let his cool hand trace from her cheek down to her jaw. He let it settle to hold her face with his thumb and forefinger, and tilted it up to meet her eyes. His lips parted in anticipation and his breath turned slightly ragged –as it always had. Her eyes were dark orbs, a sure sign that she was angry, or rather, not quite entertained. Kevin closed his eyes to tune out her icy stare. She seemed to him, devoid of any emotion.

            “I didn’t come here for this.” She grasped his wrist and pulled his hand away, though not as roughly as he’d imagined.

            Kevin sighed. “No you didn’t.” Of course not. I’ve been a complete idiot, and some people just know how to get to me. He sighed, more deeply this time, and stepped away from her.

            He watched Alexses survey the room, her head moving from left to right. It was a mess. Food wrappers were strewn about, leaving barely enough standing room. Clothes were thrown haphazardly, giving the room a more depressing look –an evidence of his one week retreat to said apartment. The girl made her way to the television, which he’d only noticed, was showing some horseracing rerun, and clicked it off, throwing him a look that clearly communicated her disgust. He flinched from the expression.

            “What have you been doing, Kevin?” she asked, finally speaking. “What have you been doing that Alexander actually had to call me to help your groupmates? Alexander, for Christ’s sake! He isn’t even really part of UKISS anymore!”

            She was asking, but she knew it was clear to her. But he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of hearing him say it. It would mean that she won, and he lost. In a technical sense, their current relationship pointed to that. He could see it in her eyes now –the burning triumph. He’d left her because of someone new –someone famous as hell. And she’d only waited. Not for him to return –not anymore –but for him to fall down. Because that’s the kind of person she’d become.

            When he didn’t answer, she walked towards her forgotten bag and picked it up. For the next five minutes, not one of them spoke. Lexi sat on the couch and Kevin stood by the door, both waiting for the other to talk.

            “She left.”Kevin stared at the empty wall above her head, waiting for the exclamation –the vindication he knew she was hiding, but it didn’t come. “She went off and-”

            “Stop.” She’d stood up to face him. “I don’t want to know. I didn’t come here to know.”

            Kevin let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, right. That’s exactly what you came here to do. Rub in my face that I was wrong. That I was a cad. A pig-headed -”

            “No.” there was her voice again. “Not that. Even if it didn’t happen then, how am I supposed to be sure that it won’t happen eventually? Nothing lasts forever. At least not anymore.” Her face was a smooth mask, but a potent smile was playing on her lips as if she found things amusing.

            It felt strange to Kevin. It was like she passed it as inevitable. Somehow the acceptance hurt him more than the words she’d elicited when the wound was still new. “Why did you come here then, Alexses?” He let her name roll around his tongue. It felt familiar –comforting. Like hot chocolate on a winter’s day.

            “Because I had to.” Her words were blunt. “Because isn’t that what I always do? Rescue you?”

A girl.

Kevin was with a girl in his room.

Lexi caught sight of them just before he drew his curtains down. She tried to concentrate on her book, but all that seemed to be on her mind as Kevin. Kevin and the effing slut who was with  him in his blasted room. The idea that Kevin was Kevin was cheating on her to her face was comical to the point of impossibility, but there it was.