The Heart Platter

finish what you started, or just start

Today I was really stressing. This is because today we start working on our project. We are half way through the book and Polly still hasn't read anything. So I hope today goes well.

"Alrighty guys ready to start."
-Lizzy/me

"Well yeah what else are we going to do"
-Sam

"Haha true"
-Polly

"Well let's do a review of the what we read so far, Polly want to start us off?"
-Lizzy/me

"Well, uh..."
-Polly

"Ok guys I'm handing out the rubric for your projects. You need to pick a category to work on as a group."
-Teacher

When she hand us the papers we were all reading along the options with the teacher. The moment she read out we could do a scene from the book, I got excited.

"So any ideas how we want to present?"
-Lizzy/me

"Maybe a puppet show? Shows effort and is creative."
-Polly

"No"
-Lizzy, Richard, and Jake

"What about acting out a scene?"
-Lizzy

"Definitely not."
-sam

"Yeah I don't want to either"
-Polly

"Same"
-Jake

"I don't really care"
-Richard

When they all said no to something I was so passionate about made me upset. I felt as if we would have gotten the best grade if we did acting. Not to mention at this point Sam also stopped reading. I've been stressed out because they haven't been listening to the past meetings. They just talk to each other.

"Lets just do a poster, its easy and we can add our own flare."
-Sam

"Sounds like a good idea"
-Polly

"I agree"
-Jake

"Ok then"
-Richard

"Well if we all agree, I guess that's what we'll do."
-Lizzy

So we started planning out what our project was going to look like and what we would each do. We also decided how we would present it.

My only concern was that Sam and Polly weren't reading do thats already half our group doing the wrong thing.

So when class ended I was left to walk alone. Again. Lately Polly has been spending more time with Sam and it hurts me so much. Its like she doesn't want to hang with me anymore.

"Hey!! Audrey!!"
-???

I turn around without knowing what was happening

"Ran said those pants make it look like you have a butt!"
-shannon

She yelled at me right before I entered the art room. So now Art wasn't fun anymore, my day wasn't going the best.

Next day

I walk in and realize that Polly was sitting with Sam during homeroom. I went to sit with them and wasn't even in the conversation. Polly never even said hi to me. Then class started and Sam went to her sit but Polly still hasn't talked to me.

Lunch: over text

Polly: hey wanna come over this weekend

Lizzy: sure let me check with my mom.

Polly: ok

Lizzy: she said yes!!

Polly: YAY see you then.

Lizzy: ok

History

I walk into class happy and glad that Polly doesn't hate me.

"Hey Lizzy"
-Polly

"Hey whats up"
-Lizzy

"Well, (TW: ED) I'm only 80 lbs now and I want to weigh 75"
-Polly

"Oh, well if it makes you feel better I weigh 90 lbs"
-Lizzy

"Oh wow, yeah I guess you do weigh more haha"
-Polly

Wait. Did she just say that. Am I actually big. Do I need to lose weight. No, she just needed some self confidence. I'm, well I eat when I want so. Oh forget it.

"There ya go, you're so pretty and skinny!! And you're so amazing so if I can help in any way let me know!!"
-Lizzy

Then Sam came over and Polly didn't speak to me after that. Lately I realized that whenever Sam is around Polly, Polly acts different. Later I listen in to their conversation.

"Yeah being Pansexual is so stupid, XD. Like it doesn't make sense."
-Sam

"I know right, just be bi, like its so transphobic"
-Polly

That made my heart stop. Polly knew that I identified as Pan. Yet she said thay right next to me. I needed to cry. I walked to the teacher and asked to go the restroom. And once she says yes I leave.

TW: AN*ITY ATT*CK

I breath intensely while thinking that Polly hated me. She doesn't want to be friends anymore. Why would she ever want me, I'm nothing special. Sam makes her so happy and I've never made her laugh as much. Why would anyone want me anyways. I should just like being alone. Then I look in the mirror, who I saw was someone that I hated. I wished she didn't exist. I slap my own face and scratch.

The bell rings and I was my face. I wait until the hall is clear and then I go to art. I walk in late and nobody even notice me gone.