One-Shots

Your Other Half - (fluff, angst)

Summary: Spencer and Reader are in love, but what does that mean and can it withstand the complications of time.

Spencer wasn't your other half, for that would imply you weren't whole before him. And that simply wasn't true. Could you have lived a full life had you never met him? Of course, you could have. Love isn't about finding someone who can fill all the voids in your life. It isn't about consuming yourself with one person to the extent that you are completely dependent on them. Each of you are your own respective person, with your respective thoughts and ideals. You do not complete each other, rather you complement the other. You are two completely different, intricate, confusing, difficult, messy people, but whole nonetheless.

You did not fall in love, for you knew that if you dove in headfirst, eventually, the ground would catch up, leaving you in pieces. Rather, you found yourself in love gradually, bit by bit over time. You welcomed love through every joke exchanged, over every cup of coffee shared, through every sleight of hand and stolen glance. You walked into love, choosing to hold hands along the way, each of you taking your respective steps, but having the other as a guide should you fall behind.

Spencer may not have been your other half, but he is your best friend. He is the person, in a crowd full of people, you can spot in an instant. He is the person you choose to tell all your stories and secrets to. He is the person you feel most comfortable sharing your problems with because you know he would do anything he could to help, even if that meant just quietly nodding as he let you rant. He was the person you knew would never judge you, and neither you him. He was not your other half, but he was the person you chose to wake up to every morning.

Sure, you could live without him. Your heart would still beat and your lungs would still expand with every tick of the clock. But, it would not do so without a sting in your chest and the longing thought of his smile ringing through your head. You could live without him, sure, but you chose not to. He may not have been your light in the darkness, but he did remind you to open the blinds. He may not be the reason you are alive, but he sure makes living a whole lot easier. You get up every morning, making the choice to love him fully and completely. To be completely transparent and vulnerable, for you know he would never break you. You could live without him, but that doesn't stop you from trusting him with your life. He knew you in and out and accepted and loved every quirk and flaw because it made you undeniably you.

That's not to say you are both blinded by love. You have enough respect and dignity to call the other out when they are falling astray. Love should not settle or accommodate. Love should support you and guide you. Love should challenge you and make you question everything you thought you knew. Love should make you want to be better and help you get there. But, no matter how hard it may try, love cannot make you better. That must come from within. You may be a whole person, but that does not mean you don't have room to grow. Love is choosing to grow in tandem with another. Love is the catalyst used to facilitate your individual personal growth, no matter how many times you use it, it never fails to come back.

Some days will be harder than others. You may feel as if you are growing apart and that is okay. Love is a choice and may not last forever. You are two separate people, and love is a partnership. It takes work and commitment and communication. Yes, a plucked flower will still bloom if put in water, however, you take the fragility of its beauty for granted. You fail to see it's beauty stems from its strength, that of which you so carelessly destroyed for a moment of lust. Had you left the flower in the garden, allowed its roots to expand, connecting itself with its surroundings, living and breathing, just as surely as the earth rotates each day, you would have seen its full potential. Had you left it to grow in the garden, you could have nurtured and protected it, always knowing it would be there for you to admire. Had you left it in the garden, it would not have withered away one day when you forgot to change the water, leaving it to rot in a murky crystal vase.

You and Spencer grew your love in a garden, it's roots knowing no bounds, your love spreading throughout the ground. Your love was strong, able to withstand even the harshest of winds that tried to blow it down. Yes, some days were harder than others, but remember love is a choice. You and Spencer made that vow long ago, that no matter the challenge at hand, you would always choose to love the other, standing by their side, choosing to weather the storm together. You both knew you may not always make it out to the other side, but that is what love is. Love is choosing to always be there, no matter the risk involved. Better yet, love is choosing to be there in spite of the risk. Love is showing the world that you care so deeply and completely for the other that you value the partnership over your personal gains. Love is gladly taking a bullet for the other, which Spencer wholeheartedly did that night he shoved you out of the way.

Yes, you are your own person, and yes, Spencer is too. You know you can survive without him, but god you don't want to. With every second that goes by, as impossible as it sounds, you feel another part of you wither away, him having taken it with him when he fell to the ground. You know you can survive without him, but what is surviving truly.

You don't want to survive, not at the cost of living. Yes, surviving is breathing, being the one with a beating heart. But it is also wishing you were the one that wasn't. Spencer made you feel alive. Yes, you were your own person, but without someone to live for, to share all your accomplishments and setbacks with, to hold when you're scared and laugh with when happy, what is it worth really. What good is a flower, adorned with sturdy roots that have grown over time, stretching out across all walks of life, if the bitter wind of winter still comes to kill it regardless? Yes, you may have weathered countless storms together in the past, but none of that matters when the frigid, ubiquitous cold destroys everything in its path.

You may be your own person, with your own life, but when your love is no longer there, having been ripped out of your hands, please forgive me if it feels as though your heart has stopped beating too. Spencer may not have been your other half, but your heart beats for him. Yes with every tick of the clock your heart still thumps, but what do you do when the only thing in your life that was as constant as the day turning into the night was the man that used to fill the now-empty bed beside you. How do you continue to walk another day, when your hand, with no one to hold, now feels so cold. Yes, you are your own person, but what good is that when all you do is sit in the dark, too empty and hurt to bother opening the blinds. What good is that when every breath feels like your last. What good is that when the beautiful world you built together is now desolate and cold, and you are all alone, with no person to call home.

No, Spencer was not your other half. He was so much more than that.