TW- HOMOPHOBIA, CUTTING AND ED
Harrys POV
I wake up with a pit of regret and guilt lying in my stomach because of what happened last night. I just cant go back there again. Let me inform you on why....
*flashback* ON THE PHONE
''Hey Lou'' ''Hey Haz'' ''So um i've been thinking about some things'' ''What have you been thinking about, my Hazza Bear?'' ''Us.'' ''What do you mean, 'us'?'' ''Like what are we because we talk like we a-'' ''No no no Harry. You've got it all wrong. We are just friends. And anyways, why on earth would I want to be one of you.'' He chuckles ''What? What is that meant to mean Lou?'' ''First of all, don't call me that. And what I mean is that im not a faggot.'' ''Oh, ok. Well um I need to go because I don't have time for you anymore.''
I hang up before he even has time to respond.
*a week later*
I couldn't take the pain any longer, I had already stopped eating and taking my meds but that didn't seem to work. The first thing that came to mind was the blade I left underneath the toilet from when I tried to cut a few weeks ago. Liam came and stopped me, of course. So, with that and that only on my mind, I rushed to the bathroom and grabbed it with shaky hands. I held it up to my wrist and slashed. I cut until I couldn't anymore and I layed there, numbly on the bathroom floor. Why did I have to be so worthless, so disgusting. Why couldn't Lou just be nice to me? Why did he have to hate me now?
*end of flashback*
Tears stream down my face at just the thought of it, my wrist itching at the urge to do it again. I'm surprised Liam hadn't noticed the cuts last night.
I sit silently on my bed as I think over all the events that occurred last night, that's when i remembered that Liam was still here. I quickly rush to the guest bedroom to find him sitting with his head in his hands.
"Hey Li, wassup?" I ask
"Oh, hey H." He replies
"You look sad.."
"Um yeah, I am" he says bluntly
"Why" I respond, worried
"Well you remember Zayn right? Yeah.. he broke up with me.." he sighs
"Oh...wanna have a movie day?" I say, looking at my hands.
"Yeah. Sure." He says with a slight smile on his face.
I go to the shops to get all his favourite snacks and movies, I had bags full of them all.
When I get back to my car, I notice I have 10 missed calls from Liam. Worried, I call him back, knowing something is wrong. When he picks up, I hear light sobs coming from the other end of the phone.
"Liam...Liam what's wrong? Why're you crying?"
"You...you-"
"I what?"
"You cut yourself Harry! Why."
"Wha- how did you find out?"
"I saw the blade, Harry"
"I'll explain everything when I'm home, ok? Just don't be mad.."
there was silence and I was about to hang up when I heard Liam respond
"No, I'm not mad." And with that, he hangs up.
*20 mins later*
I rush through the door, up my stairs and into my bathroom where I see Liam, still sitting there staring blankly at the floor. I go to touch his shoulder but he flinched away and looks at me with sadness over taking his eyes.
"Why....why did you do it Harry?" He asks
"I um-" I say stuttering
"Harry. I need a straight answer. Please?"
"Ok fine. I did it because I was sad. I was in pain, Liam. So much pain because the person I loved didn't love me back and I know it was stupid and selfish to do it and to make you all worked up about it and I'm sorry and I-" I feel the familiar hot, wet liquid form behind my eyes and I walk out the room.
Around 20 minutes later, Liam comes in with a sorry smile on his face.
"Hey..." He says
"Hi" I say back
There is a moment of silence and I remember the bags in the car.
"Do u wanna help get the bags?"
"Yeah sure...race ya!" Liam responds, giggling
We run down the stairs, almost falling down them and to my car. As soon as I know it, we are back in my bedroom, putting on Toy Story as it's Liams favourite movie.
Half way through the movie, Liam ask me why I haven't eaten any of the snacks, I just say I'm not hungry and he shrugs his shoulders, turning back to the movie.
*hours later*
As I'm driving Liam home, he suggests we go to McDonald's, and of course I say yes because I was quite hungry now. When we finally get there, I suddenly feel sick and my mind becomes clouded with thoughts of my fat tummy and chubby skin. No wonder Louis hated me, I thought to myself.
"Hey you getting anything?" Liam asks
"I- uh no. No, I'll make something at home." I quickly lied.
Liam nodded and we, well Liam waited inside for his food while I sat in my car trying to get my mind together and stable enough to drive Liam the rest of the way home safely. I manage to hide it all behind a simple smile when he got back. When he gets into the car, he quickly noticed something was wrong and questioned it.
"Oh, nothing. Just a headache is all" I reply, lying again.
"Harry, when's the last time you ate? Now I can see. Your thin as a stick."
"I'm fine. Let's just get you home, yeah"
"No harry, I'm not letting this slide. Tell me why."
"Fine. Remember Louis. The one from the hospital. I expressed my feelings for him and he said he didn't wanna be one of me. A faggot. I figured that I was worthless and useless. I stopped everything. "
"Oh I'm-"
"Save it." I say harshly
I drive him home and as soon as he gets out I rush to my house and climb into my bed, hiding until the next day. It's not like anyone will check up on me. Half of my family members disowned me when I came out, including my mum.
*the next morning*
I wake up and check my phone to see it's been called about 30 times by an unknown number....
