Obviously

Chapter 3

The weeks passed by and the two boys did not speak of the incident. Harry had tried to bring it up the morning after, but Louis had made it clear it was not to be discussed. And so it wasn't. The boys went back to being best friends. Coming in and out of concerts, flying around the world from country to country as if nothing had happened. The other boys hadn't noticed anything change between the two best friends. Nobody questioned anything. But the sight of his best friend sitting in a rigid ball on the bathroom floor shaking, pale, and drenched in sweat was burned into Harry's mind. And Louis couldn't help but hate himself for what happened. Because he knew that he could never explain it to Harry. That his younger friend would never understand and would most likely hate him for the way he felt. But it wasn't the way he felt. Because Harry wasn't gay. And neither was Louis, not possible.

As the boys drove through a sea of fans, running after their car - surprised to see so many make the effort to wake up at 6 in the morning just to catch a glimpse of the boys sitting in a car - on their way to the airport, they could feel a giddy cloud buzzing around them. America. No matter how many times they went they would always get anxious for it. Everything was brighter, bigger there. It seemed like a fantasy land to them.

And now Taylor.

As the boys boarded their plane trying not to grow deaf at the thunderous screams of the girls behind them, Harry had one thought on his mind. He was finally going to see Taylor, because he could no longer avoid it.

As they settled in their seats on the jet, all the boys, save for Louis, gave Harry a knowing look.

"What?"

"Oh, don't play cute, Harry, you know what" came Zayn's response.

"We're going to America" began Liam.

"Whats in America, you ask?" Entered Niall's thick Irish accent.

All three boys cooed "Taylooor"

"Piss off mates" was the best Harry could manage as a response.

"Come on Louis help us out here" Niall egged him on.

"Ah come on boys, it shouldn't be that hard to tease him - at least not as hard as he gets just thinking of her!" Louis' joke sent the three boys into a fit of laughter, but Louis just looked at Harry who sat there, the heat rising to his cheeks, making his blush visible even through the hazy airplane light.

Louis didn't like that he had made a joke to humiliate Harry, but he knew if he hadn't he would be questioned. Either way it worked, because none of the boys noticed as he slowly curled into himself for the rest of the flight, - literally and metaphorically - and if they did, they didn't think twice of it. Except for Harry, he always noticed when it came to Louis, and most definitely thought twice when it came him. He wondered if the older boy was feeling the same way now as he had that night, when he had been sitting on the bathroom floor. He thought of how many times Louis had fought to keep those feelings inside because he was in public, because he felt he needed to keep them hidden. He hoped Louis didn't feel that he needed to keep these emotions hidden from Harry. He prayed that his older friend trusted him with his feelings, because the thought of being someone Louis confided in sent his heart soaring. But that didn't make sense. Because Harry shouldn't care so much. Because Harry was not gay, not possible. He was going to be with Taylor now, so again, not gay, not possible, not Harry.

As the plane ride droned on, the boys drifted in and out of their sleep. When more than one was up at a time, they would play a game of Go Fish with the deck of cards Niall always brought in his backpack.

Louis sat awake, restless. All he could do was think about America, and Harry, and Taylor. He stared at the younger boy peacefully sleeping right across from him, trying to memorize his features. The soft smile that played across his lips while he slept, - he wondered what he was dreaming about to smile like that - the slight groove of the shadow of his dimples not fully formed on his rosy cheeks. The way his hair curled perfectly even in his sleep. The boy across from him looked so beautifully soft and Louis couldn't help but be entranced by him.

Harry stirred slightly and Louis immediately switched his attention to his phone, pretending to be engrossed by whatever was on his screen, not even noticing the younger boy rub the sleep out of his eyes across from him, stretching so that his feet almost touched Louis'. Not watching Harry through his eyelashes as he slowly adjusted his position on the chair and tried to smooth out the sleep wrinkles in his shirt.

"Hey." Harry's voice was thick and dripping with sleep.

"Hey, mate, didn't notice you were up." Louis whispered back conscious of the boys sleeping right next to them.

"Oh, um, yea, I am, I guess"

The boys stared at each other in silence while Harry wondered how to approach asking Louis about the thoughts nagging the back of his mind.

"Louis?"

"Yea Haz?"

"I... um... I wanted to ask ... about the other day - night actually. You know... the bathroom... what ... um ... what happened?"

Louis panicked as he tried to come up with an explanation, one that didn't involve the possibility of him having feelings for his best friend. Because he didn't. He didn't have feelings for Harry. It wasn't possible. Because he wasn't gay.

"Just a bad day I guess"

Louis mentally let out a string of curse words at himself for using the worst excuse possible. Just a bad day I guess? What was he thinking. That was the most cliched, stupid answer he could have given.

"Lou..." Harry clearly didn't believe Louis."please ... Talk to me"

"I don't know Hazza, thats the problem, I don't know what happened, or why. I just know that it did" Louis begins rambling, trying to find a reason that would explain all of this without having to tell the truth. Because the truth would make his best friend hate him, but it shouldn't. Because his panic attack made no sense. He couldn't have cared that much about Harry and Taylor. What did it matter to him? It didn't. 

"But you were fine that morning. It happened after meeting with management." Harry still doubts that Louis doesn't know the source of his panic attack. 

"I know, but I don't know what did it. You know how sometimes it just comes for you and you can't control it, the anxiety and the panic is just there?" Louis stares at Harry, pleading with his eyes for some form of understanding from the younger boy. Hoping, wishing, praying, that Harry won't make him explain it any further.

"Yea, I guess" Harry felt his heart sink that his friend, his best friend, couldn't open up to him.

They stared at each other for a few more moments before Harry spoke up again, deciding to make one last attempt to get Louis to open up. 

"You know that if you need someone to talk to I'm here. I'll always be there for you, Lou. You know that right?" 

"Thanks Hazza, it means a lot, I mean it. I appreciate you saying that."

Louis felt flowers blooming in his chest like a beautiful garden at the statement from Harry. He smiled softly to himself, curled into a ball and calmly drifted into a blissful sleep.

Now it was Harry's turn to stare. He watched as Louis folded into himself. He gazed fondly at the hint of the smile on the older boys angelic face. He thought of how easy it had been to scoop his small frame into his arms that night. He thought about how all he wanted to do was protect the older boy in front of him from whatever it was that had haunted him then, and haunted him now.

A/N: hey lovelys!

sorry it took me so long to upload another chapter, but its here now and I hope you like it!

be sure to comment with any suggestions you have or wishes for chapter themes?

well I hope you enjoy and stay safe!!

all the love

xx

-L