Only The Good Die Young

Full Moon

He had checked off a week and a half on his calendar; two days until the first.

Remus had always known exactly when the full moon would appear, but this month he was too excited about Hogwarts that he wasn't fully prepared. He laid in his bed with a mug of soup on his bedside table. The full moon brought sickness and weakness, and Remus usually sat in bed all day, bored and in pain. He was in no way not scared for later that night, but he was happy to be able to read his new textbooks. He had already finished his Defense Against the Dark Arts text, and was just starting History of Magic.

His dinner consisted of only a small portion of noodle soup. He wanted to be hungry all night, because being hungry made him weaker and a weaker werewolf was less dangerous. With a look at his clock, he had only an hour before he was to sit in the basement and silently wait for the agony to come.

His hands were starting to shake and he had to put his book down. He closed his eyes for a bit, trying not to think about the night to come, and when he opened them his parents were walking into his room. His mother grabbed his hands and squeezed them lightly, her gaze never leaving his. His father helped him finish his soup. They spent the last hour like this.

When the clock hit eight, they led him down to the basement and set him on his ripped leather sofa. The place was cold and dank and there was only a dim light in the corner by the stairs, but it would be shut out when the door closed. Both his mother and father kissed him on his forehead as tears started to roll down Remus's cheeks. They kept saying "I love you so, so much, Remus," over and over again as they backed through the door. "We will see you bright and early tomorrow and we will pack your trunk!" his mother said, trying to cheer him up, but tears kept falling down both of their cheeks.

The door shut and all noise and light was gone. Remus picked at the ripped leather and kept gasping for air. As the minutes passed, the pain started to come, easier at first and unbearable after minutes. Even after turning hundreds of times, the pain always surprised him. He might have been screaming, but he wouldn't be able to tell, nor would his parents. The walls were soundproof; they didn't know how much pain Remus was in.

Remus fell to the floor as he hunched over in pain and he tugged at his hair. It was pure torture: the cracking of bones, the shifting of muscle, the explosions inside his soul. He screamed louder and louder until his voice was gone and he was alone with only his thoughts that were quickly fading away. Company, gone; voice, gone; thoughts, gone. He was quickly fading into a wolf and he was screaming on the inside. No control. Pain beyond measure. Agony in the ugliest forms. Wishes of death. Everything was defined by pain and torture. Nothing was going away.

Remus was awakened by the sound of sobs. He opened his eyes with difficulty and saw the blurry figure of his mother kneeled beside him, crying into his father's shoulder. When they noticed Remus's eyes were open, they carefully wrapped their arms around him and whispered words he couldn't comprehend.

Remus attempted to sit up, but was blinded by a pain in his left leg. He looked down and saw a deep cut running along his thigh down to his knee. His mother must have put medicine on it, it would explain the shine.

They helped him sit up, and exchanged no words as he drank a cup of broth his mother had made him.

They stayed in the basement for hours until Remus was able to move without being in extreme pain. The blanket only helped a little with the cold.

By noon, Remus was back in his bed, covers tucked to his chin, staring at the ceiling fan as it spun around. He rejected company, wanting to be alone in his miserable thoughts. He had forgotten about the exact amount of pain and torture being a werewolf was for just a week in the prospect of going to Hogwarts, but after last night, he knew how hard it was going to be turning every full moon at Hogwarts. The neighbors suspected something was wrong with him and he saw them possibly once a year, maybe less. How long would it take his room mates to figure out something was wrong before they found out and requested he be expelled?

But he still wanted to go; he still wanted to risk it if it meant he got to be at Hogwarts.

Apparently his parents had the same thoughts. They came in later that afternoon and brought it up. "Remus, we thought you would be able to go to Hogwarts with your condition, but honey, baby, how are you going to be able to stand this?" his mum said as she caressed his hair. "The pain you go through when you are at home with us... and you're going to be all alone at Hogwarts. Only Dumbledore knows. Honey, I think you should rethink this decision." Remus's Dad nodded his head with a sad expression as he stared into Remus's eyes.

Remus cleared his throat. "I─ I have thought about it. And yes, it's going to be hard, but how much harder can it get? I still want to go. I can be tortured here or I can be tortured at Hogwarts, and I want to go to Hogwarts." Both his parents flinched when he said 'tortured.' "I haven't changed my mind," he finished in a raspy, pain-filled voice.

His mum rubbed his arm and said, "Okay, Remus. I want whatever makes you happy."

"Hogwarts will make me happy, Mum." He wasn't this close to going just to be stopped by his condition. Again.

She paused, then said, "Okay, do you want to pack your trunk for tomorrow?"

The three of them packed Remus's trunk, Remus staying in bed and his parents rushing around his room as he named objects he wanted to bring.

Once his trunk was packed, he had a small dinner and they went to be early. Remus hadn't gotten any sleep as he was a werewolf, and, though his parents never told him, he assumed his parents couldn't sleep over worrying about him. They were all tired and all fell asleep on top of Remus's bed together.