Damnit it Hurts

-Chapter 2-

Denki slowly opened his eyes, a little bit of crust stuck to his lids from crying so much. He pushed himself up from his mattress, hissing as his cuts rubbed against the bandages.

It was another day of school, another day of holding up the façade he had cornered himself into.

Gripping his elbows, he stepped out of his room and into the hall. No one was lingering in the hallway, most likely already downstairs eating breakfast and ready for classes. Unlike him. He was always lacking behind.

With a smile on his face, he stepped into the lively common room, greeting all his peers with a false enthusiasm.

"Hey Kaminari! Iida made us all food!" Kirishima yelled out.

Denki felt a heavy weight in his chest at the thought of eating. He knew he shouldn't feel so afraid, but he was.

Making his way over to the kitchen he took a plate of three pancakes, 520 calories.

He sent the best smile he could to Kirishima and thanked Iida for the food. He joined Midoriya and Uraraka at the dining table and began eating the meal.

Disgusting. Fat. Such a high amount of calories is going to fatten you up.

"Hi, Kaminari!" Uraraka greeted. Pulling him out of his thoughts. He noticed he had been staring at his second pancake for far too long to seem normal.

"Hi." He responded, putting another forkful of food in his mouth.

He couldn't do this, he can't, can't, he can't.

The weight on his chest was crushing him, acid rising to his mouth. He left with a strained smiled at the pair, and a mutter about using the bathroom before quickly getting to the bathroom near the lifts.

He couldn't take it. He could feel the calories absorbing, the fat building, the way his body was getting larger by the second. He landed in front of the toilet and stuck his fingers into his throat.

He didn't stop till everything was gone.

He cried and he washed the evidence away.

-

He was dissociating. He couldn't really recognise where he was, what he was doing, and why he was there. He went throughout his day feeling as though he was in the dream. He felt like he was in a cloud, away from his body, away from his surroundings.

Classes were painfully difficult. He couldn't stop fidgeting and distracting himself, instead of doing what he needed to do.

Useless, bitch.

Everyone would stare at him when he failed. Everyone would laugh and joke. He was the laughing stock for all of the people around him. All of his... friends?

He wasn't sure if they actually considered him a friend. He was so annoying and such a burden, who would actually want to hang out with him?

He shivered.

No one liked him. He was foolish for convincing himself otherwise. He should leave them alone, save them from wasting their time and energy on him.

The bell rang, signalising the end of classes for the day. Denki let out a breath. The day was almost over.

As he packed his things, ignoring the chatter around him, he realised just how bored he was. Every day was useless, every day he learnt nothing and the fault was his own. He had nothing to look forward to. He would never become a hero anyway.

Denki considered the idea of dropping out for the first time in a while.

But no, he was a disappointment enough already. His parents hugged him when they found out he had made it into UA, his mother kissed him on the cheek. He said they were proud for the first time ever. He couldn't ruin this for them.

Kirishima was walking over to him. Denki remembered his worth. Turning away, he left the room.

Kirishima yelled after him as he turned the corner.

-

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. But it was worth it.

Blood streamed down his arms, the familiar sting of the razor digging into his skin.

It was worth it. It was. He deserved it, anyway.

Tears pricked his eyes as he dug deeper into his arm.

This was what he needed.