Do you know what it feels like to not be around your dad for over a month?
My dad is the best thing that ever happened to me.....he is there when I need him most.....the bad the good all of it
Not being around him feels like I'm drowning In a hole of depression and despair, thinking only about my worst fears, my mistakes, everything I did wrong in my life and is on a constant loop.
Every single time I am not around him....I am pushed and pressured to wear a mask.....not be who I want to be.....not follow my dreams....just be programmed to smile, laugh and think what I have to say so I don't trigger anyone and make them mad.
Of course I have my girlfriend....she is truly an amazing person....the best person in my life along with my dad. They both know everything about me....my fears, my dreams, what I want to accomplish in life and they never once had hurt my feeling or made me feel embarrassed about myself.
Larissa....my girlfriend....has been through a lot....just like me....we both can sometimes be a mess but we rely on each other because we love each other more than anything. She's my angel...my life and the reason I'm still alive. I had dark thoughts lately.....what it's gonna be like if I disappear....be gone....go MIA forever.....just...end everything....but then something else just pops up in my head.....her....my dad.....my friends....even my mom which we don't get along but AMONG all of those.....i think I'm gonna break her heart the most...she will do something stupid because of me and I don't want that.....i don't want to be the reason she will feel like crap...feel like she failed me because the truth is.....she fought for me for a long time and I am just an idiot if I do this....
This year right now is okay.....not good not bad just okay....you know what I mean? Joe Biden is president....Trump left....Larissa and I are 4 months now together....my friends are well, my dad is well but I miss him like crazy....we are on lockdown until the end of the month....and me? I'm keep fighting as always! Everything is okay.
YOU ARE READING
My Thoughts
RandomThis is like a diary for me but i put it online just like that. You don't have to relate if you don't feel like it. It helps writing down what i feel so just bare with me.
