for a fraction of a second
a flicker of a minute
i could see what i wished we had
and what i wished we were
but then reality set in
and the world was cold again
feeling so unfamiliar and vacant
i wished we could've been those people that take a picture mid-kiss
or the ones that smile when the other isn't looking
and i know you wished we were too
but our expectations were too high
we wanted something unattainable
and if it should be attained
it wouldn't last
i remember when i felt your hand brush against mine
the mutual misunderstanding
of whether we should hold hands
or pretend it never happened
we always pretend it never happened
everybody does
because we are all afraid of what could lead to rejection
what could have been an entryway to something incredible
we chose to ignore
to protect our pride
a strand of your hair fell in front of your face when you looked the other way
i wanted to reach out and fix it for you
but would that be too intense?
if i was looking for intensity
i would have kissed you right then
but it's not what i wanted
i did not want the validation of a kiss
more than i wanted to be accepted by you
to feel protected by you
there's confusion in whether i want you or not
i tell myself i deserve better but find myself stopping when i read your name
i wish it wasn't so common so i wouldn't have to hear it so often
but i can't hide from what once made me happy
we like to hate what we lost because we feel guilty
i don't hate you but i wish i did
i close my eyes and dream of what could be
but get trapped in what could have been
there it is, there's your face again
so tired yet so ambitious
go to sleep, go to sleep
and though you won't dream of me
at least the one you dream about will make you happy
longer than i could have
longer than i did
