Broken Inside

8 - The First One

Alex surprised herself when she made the first move. More surprisingly was when she felt Jesse kissing her back. 

His strong arms wrapped around her and he kissed her deeper. She was surrounded by his scent, a mixture of sandalwood and the lingering smell of the weed he smoked earlier. The heady scents were making her dizzy. She clung to his shirt in the fear that she would collapse. 

Jesse's hand moved up her back and found its way into her hair. He yanked her hair with gentle force to expose her neck, and he began kissing her there. The feel of his wet, warm lips on her skin was indescribable. She closed her eyes and let herself submerge in the sensation. 

She wanted to feel his lips on her mouth again. She grabbed his face and kissed him hungrily. His stubble felt scratchy against her face and she liked it. His hand reached up to her face and he pressed her cheeks together to force her mouth to open. She felt his warm tongue invading her mouth and she matched it with her own. 

Jesse suddenly pulled away and took a step back, leaving Alex breathless and confused. He was panting, and she could see the fire in his eyes. What is he doing? she thought.

He took her hand and wordlessly, led her back to his room. He locked the door behind them.

He turned to Alex and caressed her cheeks with the back of his fingers. His touch sent delicious shivers up her back. She wanted him to kiss her again. 

Jesse held her face and stared into her eyes. Alex moved to kiss him but he moved a friction back. She blinked at him in confusion. He was looking at her mouth and licking his lips. 

Finally he spoke, in a low, sultry voice. "I want you," he said softly and rubbed his nose against hers. "Do you want me?"

Alex looked at his handsome face and wondered, Is he looking for consent or is he looking for conviction? She laid her hands on his broad shoulders and rested her forehead against his. She looked deep into his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, and she immediately recognised the sadness that was there. She sees them all the time in the mirror. 

Then she realised that at this moment, he was bearing his soul to her, through his eyes. He was allowing himself to be vulnerable with her. On the outside, he displayed confidence and relaxed, but looking closer and she can see that he was broken inside, just like her.

They have known each other for less than half an hour, but in the last five seconds of being lost in his eyes, she felt like she has known him all her life. There's only one word to describe what was happening; magic.

She sighed and whispered, "Yes."

He looked at her like she had just told him he'd won a million dollars. 

Without warning, he kissed her, passionately, deeply. Their arms were all over each other, holding, kissing, tasting, savouring one another. 

The room became too hot all of a sudden. Jesse began to undress. First he took off his t-shirt, then his jeans and shoes. She followed his lead, until they were both down to their underwear. Alex felt like her skin is on fire but she wanted to touch him, to feel his naked body against hers. 

She pulled him towards her and kissed his lips, with one hand behind his neck and another on his chest. She could almost feel his heartbeat against the tips of her fingers. She touched his nipple and it became hard instantaneously. She wanted to know what it tasted like.

Jesse undid her bra, slide it down her arms and let it drop to the floor. He held her to him as he walked her backwards towards his bed. He picked her up and laid her down, before propping himself on top of her. He kissed her lips, her chin, her neck, before moving down to her breasts. He grabbed them in his hands. Alex could have sworn they had grown a size larger. 

Jesse took one nipple in his mouth and sucked hard, rolling it with his tongue. He showed the same care with the other nipple. Then he moved lower, kissing her abdomen and her belly button.

This is it, Alex thought. This is the farthest that she has ever gone with any man before. Usually at this point, she would stop everything. The men will get pissy and throw her out of bed or out of their home. At twenty, she was still a virgin.

She looked down at the top of Jesse's head. She doesn't want him to stop but she has to tell him. She has to tell him now.

"Jesse..."

Upon hearing his name, Jesse glanced up at her. He smiled and started trailing back kisses up her body. He took her lips in a sensual kiss. He pulled away for a second and opened the drawer on his bedside table. He procured a condom packet and tore it open with his teeth.

"Jesse, I need to tell you something..."

Jesse didn't hear her. He was distracted taking off his black boxer shorts and rolling the condom on his full length. He pulled her panties down her legs in a hurry. Then he spread her legs and hovered over her, ready in position.

"Jesse, wait..."

Before she could stop him, he penetrated deep into her and she cried out. He pulled back slightly and pushed in deeper, and repeated over and over, driving in and out of her. She was in pain but she tried to hide it, crying out every few moments. She held on to his arms, her fingers digging into his hard biceps. She felt warm liquids running down her face. This will be over soon.

Finally, after felt like forever, Alex felt Jesse's whole body stiffened and then he collapsed on top of her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and she held him, feeling his warm breath on her. He was slick with sweat.

He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her face. The satisfied look on his face was immediately replaced with a concerned one. He noticed the tears. "Alex, what's wrong?"

Alex wiped away the tears and shook her head. "Nothing."

Jesse pulled out and Alex cringed from the pain. She closed her legs and pulled her knees up to her chest. 

Jesse stood up and reached down to pull off the condom. "What the hell?" he shouted and Alex sprung up on the bed. Jesse turned around, holding out the bloodied condom. "There's blood here. Are you on your period?"

Alex was speechless. He looked disgusted. She climbed off the bed, hurriedly grabbed her clothes off the floor and ran out of his room. She ran all the way to her room and locked the door behind her. Then she collapsed on her bed and cried.