I'm sorry

I'm sorry for everything. You were the first guy I ever let to see my true self, my most vulnerable side. I opened up to you, I got attached ( I never do). We never put a label on what we were, but we were something... or at least I would like to believe we were. I told all my friends about you, even my dad. I was so exited, everything was new and perfect. Every night I thanked god to put you in my life and I always questioned myself if this was gonna last.
I couldn't understand how a guy could like me after seeing me in my most vulnerable state, after seeing me laugh and sleep. After seeing me cry and eat. I'm always very self conscious and insecure but next to you I felt beautiful and worth it.
I always kept bragging about you and how I could have lots of cute guys and I chose you, but really, I never deserved you.
We had a spark, there was something in you that lightened me up, I knew that some day that spark would disappear, some other girl would light it up. But I never thought it would be then, right after I got that attached, after I went to your house and you came to mine. After giving you all my trust.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye, I needed you. There wasn't a single day that would pass without me thinking about you, hoping to get a notification with your text saying to meet up, or just a "what's up" that would have changed my whole day. I spent a week crying hoping for a signal something or someone to tell me what to do. Finally, I swallowed my pride and I texted you. You responded as you always did as if nothing had happened, we met up, but something was off. That spark wasn't there, you used me and after that, after you left we never talked again.

I always liked to imagine that you would come back, but you never did. Months passed and I was still thinking about you, every person I met was always somehow related to you, a friend of a friend, a cousin, even friends. And so I let my obsessive and toxic self take over. I hang out with your friends and even kissed a couple of them hoping to get you attention but I finally realized you were over me. You didn't care at all and that destroyed me. I knew I crossed the line and I asked for your forgiveness and I think I got it.
But that didn't change the fact that I'm in love with you and I always will be. As always I fucked everything up and we'll never get to be what we used to.

There's not a day that passes that I don't think about texting you. But I can't it's too much, I already embarrassed myself enough. I guess this is goodbye. I wish you the best, and for the first and last time, I love you.