What Happened to You?

4

March 30, 2014

Jimin sat in the middle of the living room, staring at the floor. He could feel everyone's eyes digging into his soul.

"Anti-depressants? Doxepin? Prazosin? What the hell are these?!" Namjoon accidentally shouted at his dongsaeng, and Jimin flinched. Namjoon held up the three white pill bottles, sitting down on the couch next to Jimin- who he realized now was shaking.

"Jimin, please. Explain. What aren't you telling us?" Namjoon asked, and Suga inhaled quietly.

He felt bad for knowing what every single pill was for.

"Jimin..." Namjoon tried to look Jimin in the eyes, but Jimin looked away.

And he started to cry.

Jin sat down next to Jimin, but Jimin quickly stood up and sat on the floor. He brought his knees to his chest, and stared at J-Hope's feet.

"Hyung?" Taehyung asked.

"All I'm saying is I have insomnia. Those pills help me sleep. Last night, I had a bad dream. I didn't mean to hurt you, Jungkook, I'm very sorry. I just had a bad dream." Jimin told them.

"Anti-depressants though?" Namjoon repeated. "They're not just for depression!" Jimin yelled suddenly.

Took the words right out of my mouth. Suga thought to himself. He had his own stash of pills, but he wasn't too concerned about it.

"They're to help with anxiety too, and to help me calm down." Jimin hid his face after speaking, trying not to have another 'moment'.

Where the flashbacks took over reality.

"I'm sorry." Namjoon apologized, wondering what was going on with Jimin's mental health.

They've only been together a year, but there was still so much they didn't know about each other.

"For the past three or so years, I've always been waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and I have a panic attack by myself. Either I pass out trying to breathe, or I calm myself down and pass out from exhaustion of trying. The Clonidine helps- well, is supposed to help, me stay asleep. The Prazosin helps calm down my blood pressure so it's best for my attacks...b-but they aren't working anymore." Jimin explained, a few words muffled into his jeans.

"I have another doctor's appointmet tomorrow." He added, and the atmosphere in the room got heavier with the new information. "Is there anything that triggers the panic attacks?" J-Hope decided to ask, trying to process the information.

"T-the flashbacks I get. Y-you'll know when...and when that happens, please don't touch me. It makes it worse." Jimin explained, his head hurting with weight on his shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" Taehyung asked. "It's hard to talk about." Jimin told him, taking deep breaths to calm down. "We're sorry."