Five Minutes Alone With You

ch 4 : in the wedding carriage

Nothing had ever felt quite so strange to Simon as preparing to be wed. So much of his life had changed in such a short amount of time. He was having to visit lawyers, completely turning around all he had done on his father's affairs. He had taken up residence in his own house in London, rather than Lady Danbury's home, so that he might make certain it was prepared for his wife, upon their eventual return to society. He had had to send a letter to the housekeeper at Hastings, to be certain that they were aware he was to be wed.

Everything was so urgent, given they only had three days, and everything felt short on time, except...

Somehow, Simon also had all the time in the world.

He joined Will for boxing, took a Promenade with Daphne, sat with lawyers and bankers and housekeepers, took tea with Lady Danbury, sat at the club with Anthony... and yet still, all he could do was think. Think about his father. Think about his marriage. Think about his wife.

Well, his soon to be wife. It was painfully obvious that he was being kept from her, by both Lady Danbury and her mother. They were allowed their short Promenade, during which time the older ladies were never more than a step behind, and then she was whisked away to another appointment. Apparently, the fitting of her dresses and completion of her wardrobe were of the utmost importance.

In the rarest of moments that they could speak without anyone overhearing, Daphne had whispered to him that her mother kept her in the sitting room most of the day, not allowing her out of her sight, and that her mother had announced they would receive no visitors. He had quite the idea as to why it was.

It was because they knew that Simon could not be trusted... because the next time he had Daphne alone, he would not waste his time.

He had tasted her once, just a brush of it, and now, he was a man that was dying of thirst. He was dying from lack of her. He craved her, her laughter, her smile, her affection, her touch. Each day, Daphne wore long sleeves and gloves, her hands and forearms never exposed, and it was rather obvious that Daphne had not been the one to select her wardrobe.

They were under careful watch, so no impropriety could occur, and yet, had not both women encouraged it, before their engagement. Honestly, these two had flipped so quickly in their schemes, no longer allowing them the opportunity to have a moment alone together, allowingthem to... explore .

Any more than three days of waiting, and Simon would go mad.

On his final morning as a single man, Simon had gone to Will, simply pummeling the raised gloves, working out his frustrations. While each day before it had been a frustration of a sexual nature, today, Simon felt a sense of dread. It had been with him from the moment he awoke, and now, as he was getting dressed for the wedding, he felt true fear.

Had he told Daphne enough? He had told her of the vow, yes, how he had intended to never take a wife, nor have children, but had he explained enough as to the why?

She wanted a happy home filled with a family, a marriage based on love, a husband that desired her above all things, and he could give her that, but the children... could he be a good father? Could he be the sort of father she imagined for her children? His father had not even been one in name, had barely recognized him, had not bothered to pay for his education nor even respond to his letters.

Would Simon do that? Would he have a son and heir, and then not be a good sort of father? How could he follow an example when he did not have one? If Anthony's father was alive, he might have known the man, would have been able to emulate his behavior towards his youngest...

The only thing Simon knew was how to be was a rake. A well and proper rake. And now that he was to be a father, he felt himself lacking. Inadequate. Broken. A failure and an embarrassment.