Destiny of Demons

What lingers..

I wake in bed alone the next morning and a sense of dread twists in my stomach, wondering if I had said too much the night before. A part of me wants to stay in the sheets, using them as a defence wall against the outside world, protecting me against the intruding thoughts of what I had said and how Zak may have interpreted them, truly. Would he understand? Would anyone really understand?

Sometimes I felt like I was going mad, which is usually when I picked up the laptop and shut out my own inner thoughts in order to focus on Theo, Zak and his work. Keeping the house going and everyone around me seemed more vital than addressing the issues I had been dealing with.

When Theo was younger, it didn't bother me as much, this little human I had created with Zak was reliant upon me, depended on me to get shit right, Theo didn't care that I was having an identity crisis, he just cared that he was fed, winded and changed. Maybe it was because my baby was now growing up? He was becoming more independent each day and I longed to have that little boy back in my arms, depending on me again. I wonder if every mom felt like that?

Of course I am constantly amazed at how much he is learning and how fast he is learning too, the concentration etched on his face when he tries to button up his shirt, or level up his zipper, even to matching the Velcro on his shoes. My baby was no longer a baby and whilst this whole new experience was fascinating, I was also lost, he didn't need me as much as I needed him anymore. Is this why parents usually end up having another child? Maybe I should look at another pet? No, Gracie wouldn't like that...

The sound of Theo's laughter within the house makes me smile and is the main reason that I pull myself out of bed and stick myself in the shower. After letting the shower clear my mind, I get out and dressed before making my way to them.

"Faster!" He shouts.

I turn the corner to Zak, racing around the lounge, with Theo on his back, pretending to be a race horse, even jumping occasionally, which is what sets Theo into a fit of giggles. The pair make me smile instantly and I watch quietly from the doorway. Theo is the first to spot me.

"Mommy look! Daddy is a horse! Go Daddy!"

Zak laughs and does as he is instructed, by rushing around the lounge, leaping over a couch cushion that is currently being used as an obstacle. They continue for a few more minutes, before I notice Zak's breathing, reluctantly Zak lowers Theo down for him to run around the lounge himself, whilst I head to the bedroom to get Zak's inhaler.

"H-He's active." Zak puffs, having followed after me.

"He sure is. You need to watch your chest. Listen to the tightness in your lungs."

"I know." He answers giving me a sheepish smile. "But when he is having fun like that, I can't say no."

"You will when you get an asthma attack. Please, be careful."

He nods in understanding as he sticks the inhaler in his mouth and gets a few puffs of medication into his lungs. When he hands it back to me, he tilts his head. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better. Ignore what I said yesterday." I say. Whilst I know it is stupid to try and hide these feelings, I am also aware of how much pressure it puts on him, and by me playing it down, will ease some of that burden.. I hope.

"Absolutely not. You confided in me and if I ignore that then I fail as your husband."

I frown. "No you don't-"

"Of course I do. No, I have it all under control and I want to talk to you about some other ideas I have had."

My brow lifts, but before he can tell me more, Theo bounds in. "UNCLE AARON IS HERE!"