The Therapist

chapter 1

"And if I tried to change my life one more day there would be no body else to save." - Lyric from Say amen by panic at the disco.

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"I always see him. In my dreams, my nightmares, when I'm doing the dishes. He's everywhere and I can't seem to get him out."

The small women sits on a big white love seat in front of me, her feet planted on the blue carpet while her eyes stare at the massive wooden desk behind me. No doubt noticing the bumps and scratches it has received from years and years of transporting from family member to family member, the stories held in the frame of the desk no doubt seeping from the chipped pieces and broken drawers.

I give her a comforting smile, "And does he do anything when you see him?" I ask her from an identical chair, writing small notes down into the womens patient file.

Mrs. Downs shakes her head, bringing her attention back to me before whipping away her tears and snot.

"No. He um," she pauses to think while she sniffles and folds the tissue in her hands. "he just stands there, looking at me." She sniffles again, dabbing at her red puffy eyes with the soft fabric, clearing away any wetness that had fallen.

I hum in response, nodding and scribbling a note down, "A lot of times when we experience very sudden traumas, like a loved one dying," I explain slowly. Trying to allow the women to take things in.

Her eyes dart around the room, avoiding eye contact while she bits at her lip, clearly trying to keep her tears at bay. "like your husband. We start to see them in anyway we can. It's a way for our brains to try and cope with the lose." I state calmly, trying to reassure her in anyway I can.

Mrs. Downs glances at me, her eyes red and watery. "So its normal?"

I click my pen off and hum a small yes. "Ma'am," I speak softly, leaning forward, "These things take time, it's okay to feel the way you feel and it's okay to grieve." I look from the women to my lap, trying my best to not get emotional.

"Grieving makes you human." I glance back, letting a sad smile take over my features. "You miss him." I whisper, just loud enough for Mrs. Downs to hear me. Her lips start to quiver and her eyes move from thing to thing on my shelves that reach the ceiling. I nod while i give a tight lipped smile, more to myself than her.

A light knock comes from the door on our left, the door opens slightly to reveal a blonde women, my assistant Michelle. She holds her wrist and taps on it there times, signaling our session was way past out elated time.

I give Michelle a small nod as thanks before turning to Mrs. Downs and nodding to her, "I believe we've gone over our time, ma'am." I say, catching her attention again and standing. The frail women nods, whipping her tears then gathers all her belonging while I set my notes onto my desk. The two of us head to the front of the building once done, stopping at the front of the check in desk together.

The women turns to me, her small frame shaking lightly as she gives me thanks. I give her a warm smile reaching my hand forward to shake her extended one as I respond, wishing her well. I watch Mrs. Downs turn and walk out the door before turning to my assistant who's typing on a computer, not paying mind to anything happening around her. I let out a tired sigh, laying my arms onto the large desk, followed by my head.

Michelle let's out an amused laugh, "go home Dr. Belv, that was your last appointment." I let out a dry chuckle at her words.