Slow motion.
Butterflies.
Sabi nila, iyan daw ang una mong mararamdaman kapag dumapo ang mga mata mo sa taong nakatadhana para sa 'yo.
Pero paano kung inis ang naramdaman mo sa una nyong pagtatagpo?
Paano kung ang lahat ay nagsimula sa hindi inaasahang bangayan?
Masasabi pa kayang kayo ang para sa isa't-isa?
Right now, hindi tulad sa umpisa. Ang inis, ang pagmamahal na noon ay nararamdaman. Tila binalot na ng sakit at pait dulot ng nakaraan.
Napa-kapa ako sa bag ng may maalala. Kinuha ko ang cellphone. Binuksan ko ito at nakita ko ang dalawang message mula roon. Last month pa ang text na 'yon.
Sa ilang taon ang lumipas nun nalang ulit ako nakatanggap ng text mula sakanya. Bigla tuloy nanikip ang aking dibdib. Tila ibinabalik ang sakit na dapat nalimutan na.
"Del Valle Bar"
"Punta ka, maghihintay ako."
I smiled bitterly.
Yes, he made a promise na kapag naka-buo na siya ng banda. Gusto nya nandun ako. Gusto nya na marinig ko at masaksihan iyon. Pero paano ako ngingiti ng maluwag kung lahat hindi na tulad ng dati. Kung lahat nagbago na.
Hindi ko alam kung paano pa sya haharapin ngayon. Hindi ko nga alam kung may nararamdaman pa sya sa akin o naka move on na. Baka kasi ako lang ang umaasa na pwede pang maayos. Na pwede pa namin ipagpatuloy. Edi sa huli ako lang ang uuwing luhaan.
What if nandun yung gf nya? Anong gagawin ko? For sure magmumukha lang akong kawawa kung nagkataon.
I sighed heavily.
I look at him.
Ang dami ng nagbago sa kanya. Mula sa buhok hanggang sa hubog ng kanyang katawan.
He's smiling. But something looks grey in his eyes.
Inayos nya ang mikropono at isinabit sa kanyang balikat ang strap ng gitara. Hindi ko inalis ang mga mata ko sa kanya habang nakasentro naman ang kanya sa mga nagtitiliang babae dahil sa pagtitig nya. Ang iba 'y nagtatalon pa dahil sa kilig. Para bang mahihimatay sa ganda ng kanyang ngiti.
Well, hindi ko naman sila masisisi, dahil kahit ako. Minsan ng nabihag ng ngiting iyan.
Lumakas pa lalo ang pagtili ng mga babae nang magsimulang tumugtog ang banda.
Napalunok ako. Tila unti-unting nadudurog habang pinapakinggan ang intro ng kanta.
And I really lost it when he started to sing.
His voice is so deep.
I walked to the door with you, the air was cold
But something about it felt like home somehow, and I,
Left my scarf there at your sisters house
And you—still got it, in your drawer, even now.
I felt my heart racing.
Naalala ko tuloy nung first time nyang makapunta sa bahay ni ate. Nahihiya pa nga sya nun na halos ikapula ng tenga nya. Inaasar-asar ko pa nga sya nun. Halos pigil tawa ako habang pinagmamasdan sya.
But now, It feels like I lost my old self. My smile.
Oh your sweet dispositon and my wide eyed gaze
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate
The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days
I can't help but to feel sad and guilty.
I broke his heart.
And I know it's long gone and, and magics not here no more
And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all
Cause there we are again on that little town street
You almost ran the red cause you were lookin' over at me
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
He started to move his eyes, expecting someone he want to see, was there.
Is he expecting me?
Sana nga.
Sana ako yung hinahanap niya. Kasi kung iba? Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman. Naiisip ko pa nga lang, ako'y naiiyak na.
And maybe we got lost in translation maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well
Hey you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lyin' here
Cause I remember it all all all too well.
And that's when our eyes met. I couldn't see anything but pain. He's hurting, and I don't find the reason why but to think that it's because of me.
I chased my dreams but I lost him.
And yeah, that's my biggest regrets.
Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still tryin' to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You cant get rid of it cause you remember it all too well yeah.
Okay na ang lahat ngayon, pero.. ang tanong 'pwede pa ba?'
Ang lapit-lapit mona sa 'kin ngayon, ngunit bakit parang ang layo mo?
I laughed softly but it sounds hurt.
Tulad ng dati.
Ang hirap mo paring abutin...
Cause there we are again when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it oh
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Sana, pwede pa.
Tears start to glimmer in my eyes.
Maibabalik pa ba?
Kasi kung hindi na talaga kaya pang ibalik... Pwede bang ulitin nalang ulit?
