Nightmares / Hunter x Hunter One Shot / Fanfiction / Family AU

Ending One

Authors Note: This is not a ship and is not meant to be romantic in any way :)

Killua felt himself jolt awake, a cold feeling surging through his body. For a moment, he swore he couldn't breathe. He stared up at the ceiling, gasping for air.
As he remembered his dream, icy fingers of anxiety ran up his back. Killua lifted his shaky hands to his face, covering his eyes as he squeezed them shut, trying to suppress the memories of the nightmare.
Killua tried to calm his breathing; if he was too loud he would wake Gon, who was sleeping in the bunk bed underneath him. Killua shakily inhaled and exhaled. Why did breathing feel so difficult? He was an ex-assassin, and he knew how to make his breathing calm and undetectable when needed. So then why wouldn't that technique work right now? Killua's chest felt tight as he tried to swallow his fears.
Once he felt as though his breathing was more controlled, Killua pulled his hands away from his face. He sat up in bed slowly. Killua looked down at his shaking hands, clenched into tight fists. Now that he was sitting up, he realized he was drenched in sweat.
Killua blinked, looking around the dark room to remind himself that he was awake and in his home. Still, the chilling feeling of his family's eyes watching seemed to remain. He repressed that feeling, reminding himself it wasn't real.
As he gazed out of his bed, he felt himself wake up a little more. He was home, with his friends. Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio were all with him. Killua was safe.
A bird sounded its call from outside, causing Killua to jump a little. Instinctively, Killua stared over at the open window, concealing his presence. After a second, he quickly snapped out of it, reminding himself that he was safe in his home.
I still have the assassin instincts.
Once again, his dream came rushing back to him, feeling the sensation of blood on his hands. Killua inhaled sharply, wringing out his hands in an attempt to shake off the imaginary feeling.
"That's because you are still an assassin," Illumi's voice rang in Killua's head.
Killua tried to focus on anything other than his nightmare as he closed his eyes. But all he could think about was the dream.
Blood dripping off his claws.
The eyes of his family watching him.
The sinking feeling in his stomach.
And the image of Gon's dead body.
Killua bit his lip, repressing tears. His head started to pound.
I still think like an assassin. I could still kill Gon.
"You know you want to. And you will eventually," Killua could still hear Illumi's voice so clearly.
He choked back tears, pure anxiety buzzing through his body. The pain from his dream all felt so real. A tear slowly rolled down Killua's face, but he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand.
No. I will never hurt Gon.
Although Killua assured himself of this, the pain in his chest remained. He opened his eyes, trying to snap himself back into reality. He stared out at the window. It was open and a gentle breeze allowed the night air to flow into the room. If he listened hard enough, Killua could hear the subtle noises of the forest at night. Gon always insisted on keeping their window open, and Killua didn't mind.
After a moment, Killua looked down at his hands, noticing they weren't shaking as much. Taking a deep breath, he slowly and quietly crawled over to the ladder. He held onto the metal bars of the bed, cautiously letting his foot down until it touched a step. He climbed down the ladder silently, making sure to be quiet as his feet touched the floor.
For a moment, Killua stared at Gon, who was sleeping on the bottom bunk bed. Gon's hand rested on his pillow next to his face, lips parted slightly. Killua could hear Gon's steady breathing as he slept.
Killua made his way over to the bedroom door, slipping out without making a noise. He stepped out of the carpeted room and onto the cold wooden floor outside. He scanned the den area, still messy from when Killua was playing video games with Gon a few hours ago. The controllers sat on the couch, along with empty wrappers from snacks.
Killua felt the cold night air biting at his arms, and he itched to go back into his warm bed. But he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep if he did. He glanced at the clock on the wall; it was just past 2 AM.
He walked towards the stairs, not making a single noise. He was raised to not make a sound when he walked. And although it wasn't intentional, Killua's footsteps were almost always inaudible. He carefully walked down the wooden stairs, careful to avoid the two steps that creaked.
The eerie feeling of being watched by his family still shrouded the atmosphere. Killua knew he was being paranoid and that he was perfectly safe in this house. But it didn't stop him from feeling uneasy. He felt his stomach clench as he remembered the dream.
Making it to the bottom of the stairs, Killua cautiously turned left. He stared at the door in front of him, rethinking his choices. Was this really a good idea? It could go two ways, one path didn't end well and the other might actually help him. After pondering for a moment, Killua decided to continue with his decision; he knew this is what he needed right now.
He hesitantly touched the door handle, turning it slowly and silently. He peeked his head in, scanning the bedroom. Kurapika slept in his bed, his back turned towards the door. To the far right of the room was Kurapika's desk, a few books were neatly stacked on top of it. Against the wall next to the window was a bookshelf, filled with books. On the nightstand, Killua noticed a journal and a pen, along with Kurapika's phone.
Killua cautiously let himself in the room, closing the door behind him. Killua made his way over to the bed and stared at Kurapika for a moment.
"Kurapika?" Killua whispered, trying to suppress the shake in his voice. He was still quite unsettled by his dream. Killua reached out to touch Kurapika but noticed his hands were still shaking and stopped to peer down at them. Killua wasn't sure if it was because of the anxiety he still felt or simply because he was cold.
After a moment, Kurapika began to stir a little. He slowly sat up, turning to look at Killua. He blinked a few times, probably still dazed from sleep.
"Killua?"
Killua opened his mouth to say something but didn't even know what to say.
"Is something wrong?" Kurapika asked quietly. He hesitated, "Are you having trouble sleeping?"
Killua nodded, looking down and feeling ashamed. He was starting to regret doing this and he knew he looked pathetic.
"Hmm," Kurapika let out a hum as if to say 'I understand.'
Kurapika moved over a little, sitting closer to the wall.
"Do you want to lay with me?" He asked, keeping his voice at a low volume. He held out his arms a little.
Killua hesitated, then nodded. He sat on Kurapika's bed, reluctantly crawling closer to Kurapika. Kurapika tenderly wrapped his arms around Killua. Almost instantly, Killua felt his body relax. He rested his forehead on Kurapika's shoulder, carefully wrapping his arms around Kurapika's neck. Killua felt Kurapika's long blonde hair brush his knuckles.
Killua melted into the embrace, the pain in his chest being replaced by warmth. Killua would never admit it, but he secretly loved hugs. He was never hugged or even shown physical affection as a young kid. Although it made him slightly uncomfortable at first, being not used to it, he'd grown to love the physical touch of someone he was close to.
Leorio and Kurapika hugged Killua occasionally. It didn't happen often, but deep down Killua did wish they hugged more. It made him feel like a child... and honestly, he didn't know if he loved it or not. Maybe he felt like he was getting the parental affection that he never got growing up. Or maybe he was acting like a pitiful child.
Killua believed that the affection he felt towards Kurapika and Leorio could be compared to how a child loves their parents. Although he wasn't entirely sure, as he had never experienced that sort of love towards his own parents. Often, Killua liked to imagine Leorio and Kurapika as his parents, but he usually pushed those thoughts aside, telling himself they were stupid and childish.
Kurapika lifted his hand from Killua's back, gently petting Killua's fluffy white hair.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Kurapika whispered.
"Mhm," Killua responded, trying not to think about the dream.
"I see," Kurapika began to slowly rock Killua a little, "I often experience nightmares as well. I understand how terrifying it can be."
After a moment of silence, Kurapika began to hum to Killua softly. Killua closed his eyes. Sometimes Kurapika would hum Gon and Killua to sleep. Kurapika told them they were songs that his parents hummed to him before bed as a child. For some reason, hearing Kurapika hum always made Killua nostalgic. Killua now found comfort in Kurapika's humming.
At this point, Killua had completely forgotten about the nightmare. He could feel his body becoming tired again, now able to rest and relax. He knew he was safe now. Killua slowly drifted to sleep in the shelter of Kurapika's arms.

. . .

Kurapika continued to hum to Killua whom he was holding in his arms. He wasn't sure if Killua was asleep or not. Kurapika couldn't see Killua's face, as his head was resting on Kurapika's shoulder. Kurapika assumed Killua was asleep as his body seemed completely relaxed. Nonetheless, he continued to hum to the sleeping boy, tenderly stroking his white hair with the tips of his fingers.
Kurapika was quite surprised at himself for how well he was at caring for Killua and Gon. They both seemed like difficult kids for any normal person to take care of, as they were both quite unusual. But it didn't take long for Kurapika to learn their needs and motives and help care for them through those observations.
But as much as he was surprised at himself, he was also surprised at how much Killua had opened up in the past few months. Living with his friends brought out a whole new side of Killua, almost to the point where he seemed like a different person. Kurapika had noticed that Killua was more open and vulnerable. As well as seeming a little more like a "normal" kid, and less like an assassin. But one of the biggest changes Kurapika had noticed in Killua was his desire for affection.
Although he tried to hide it, it was quite obvious Killua loved hugs. Killua never got hugs (or any physical affection) as a young child. The poor thing was touch starved. Kurapika never saw himself as an affectionate person, but he proved himself wrong once he moved in with his friends. Kurapika often had the urge to hug the others, which he only did when it was appropriate. Although by now, Kurapika could tell when someone needed a hug.
Killua stirred slightly, making it obvious to Kurapika that he was asleep. Killua squeezed Kurapika a little in his sleep, and Kurapika felt his chest fill with warmth.
By now, Kurapika felt quite overprotective of Gon and Killua. He saw himself as their guardian and gave himself the responsibility of taking care of the two boys. He wanted nothing more than for his newfound family to be safe and happy.
Kurapika used to tell himself he would never have or want children. His main in life focus was avenging his clan, and he didn't want the burden of taking care of someone else to interfere with that. Not to mention, he would be a horrible parent; he could hardly take care of himself.
Everything changed when he met Gon, Killua, and Leorio. His focus changed, and slowly but surely, he decided to take a break from revenge. Leorio was the main reason for this change in heart; he convinced him. Although Kurapika thought he would fail at being a good parent, maybe he was wrong. He was only eighteen, yet he was practically a father.
But he didn't mind. In fact, he was happy. Giving Gon and Killua the childhood they deserved alongside Leorio brought Kurapika so much joy. He could now see himself with children of his own in the future. Leorio, Gon, and Killua were truly a blessing in Kurapika's life. They were the only thing that gave his existence true meaning.
Kurapika looked down at Killua. He wasn't sure how long Killua had been sleeping in his arms. Kurapika debated taking Killua back to his bed, but he didn't want to carry Killua all the way up the stairs and risk waking up Gon or Killua. Not to mention, Killua slept on the top bunk bed, which Kurapika couldn't even reach on his own.
Kurapika decided it was fine that Killua slept in his bedroom tonight. Carefully, Kurapika laid Killua down on his bed. Kurapika glanced over at the time on the alarm clock sitting on his nightstand. It was about 2:45 AM. Kurapika knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, not to mention there wasn't enough room for Killua and Kurapika in his bed.
Kurapika remembered he had some chores he had to finish but reminded himself that Killua didn't like to sleep alone. Kurapika would have to stay in his room. Kurapika cautiously slipped out of his bed, careful as to not disturb Killua. He pulled the covers over Killua, lovingly brushing his fringe out of his face as he slept.
Kurapika sat at his desk, flicking on the desk lamp and hoping it didn't wake Killua. He opened up to the bookmarked page in the book he was reading.