Hogwarts - A Fred Weasley FanFic

Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER:

This chapter contains some intense feelings of grief and depression. It also covers parental death. Please be kind to yourselves.

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I thought I was going to sick. The room around me was swaying back and forth and the only thought I had was This can't be happening. This can't be happening.

I was staring at the fireplace at the Burrow. Fred was sitting next to me, a hand on my shoulder. The tears were stinging my eyes and falling freely down my face; pooling in the corners of my mouth.

My dad was dead.

I guess that was it then. Molly picked us up from the platform full of anxiety. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong until we got back to her house. Arthur was there waiting next to a burly man with a fake eye. He looked put out and wild.

Arthur led me to the couch and the man, Moody, told me what happened.

My dad was dead.

No, my dad was killed.

My dad was murdered.

It hit me like a truck. It hit me like I was being run over. Moody and Arthur tried to explain what happened in detail but I didn't want to listen. I couldn't listen. Their word just hung over me, I was not processing anything they were saying.

"You're dad was a good, strong Auror," Moody assured me, "He was doing his job."

His job. I knew it was dangerous. I knew it was dangerous when he couldn't even tell me what he was doing for the Ministry. But know I knew. He was hunting Death Eaters. He was trying to protect me, he was trying to protect other people. He was doing what was right and he was still killed. 

"We brought his things from his office," Arthur said calmly, "They are up in your room."

"I'm so sorry dear," Molly said. She was crying too.

I could feel the raincloud formig again, the one I got when my mom died. It was pouring grief on my head, soaking through my clothes and my skin, until I was covered in heartbreak. And then I got angry. Angrier than I had ever been.

"How could you let this happen!" I yelled at Moody, "You let him die! Why was he on the mission alone!"

Moody's face did not falter at all.

"It's not fair!" I yelled again, now standing, "It's not fair! It's not fair!"

"Eli," Fred reached out for me but I drew back.

"Don't- don't Eli me. None of you know me," I was shouting through sobs, "I'm- you aren't my family! I've only known you for a year! This isn't- this isn't-"

I gave up and laid back down on the couch. I was curled up, still crying. I just hoped they would get the hint and leave me be. Molly and Arthur began to talk to Moody quietly, as if I wasn't in the room.

"Do you think we should get in touch with Remus," Molly asked, her voice tight.

"No, no," Moody said gruffly, "It's too early to get him and Padfoot involved."

"Don't you think she ought to-"

"It's too early Arthur."

Fred sat with me silently and I just cried. He was good, gentle, didn't push me to talk. I just cried because I was alone. When Mom died, I had Dad. But now Dad was dead too. And I had no one.

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The sadness wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was the numbness that followed. The sadness lasted for a good two weeks and would still hit me periodically during the numbness, but at least when I was sad, I felt something.